Light-hearted Banter

~ Gottfried

Trying to write a timeless post takes a toll on even the greatest writers. I am currently looking at retirement homes near me. For myself of course. I know you won’t take this seriously because I’ve threatened to retire many times before. Something just keeps pulling me right back. Maybe it’s the heartfelt comments filled with spelling errors that you usually leave me.

This particular post begins from nowhere in particular, intending to take you down a trip to somewhere in particular, only to leave you stranded for no particular reason. It’s my job to open your mind and ask you why you think you were sent here. By here, I mean planet Banter. If your face provides comic relief to other humans, then it’s at least useful for something, no?

Banter or Bullying. If you can’t laugh and manage to keep your hands to yourself, then you shouldn’t be allowed to laugh ever. The joke was so funny you decided to pelt me with slaps? I will reciprocate by giving you a right hook! It gets worse. Some people laugh and fling their body your way. Just know that I’m watching you. You’re about to catch the meanest head butt on your next attempt.

Every now and then I think about the time I let out a fart in an elevator just before the door slid open on my floor. The look of horror on the faces of the people who got in just as I stepped out will never not be funny to me. Thinking about it again, I could easily have caught a body that day. Even I had to hold my breath after releasing that missle. A life threatening fart!

The concept of new year resolutions is hilarious. I’ve seen all your gym selfies. You and I know that you’re not going back the next week. What’s worse is that in your excitement you got an annual subscription. A monumental disgrace that. You’re also not going to eat healthy this year. No soda challenge but you’ve drunk a can of malt already. It’s the delusion for me.

If you get up to pee at night, give yourself a light tap on your cheek to confirm you’re indeed awake. A great many men have learned this the hard way. The only thing you’re allowed to do without confirming is eat in your dream. The food is typically delicious. Trust me, you have been missing out. Eat well, sleep well, make better decisions this year. And above all…

No gree for anybody

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

72 thoughts on “Light-hearted Banter”

  1. “Twas A Dark And Stormy Night”
    iNDeeD Mr Gottfried Be A World
    Famous Novelist Like Snoopy

    It’s True No One Will Ever
    Be Able to Write like that

    Dog Another Lesson

    of Snoopy Dance For

    Joy Nothing More Nothing
    Less Ever To Say Than Wagging

    A Tale And ReFuSinG to Get Behind

    Writing on Dancing Days That Inspire Write

    Oh Dear Lord And Speaking of Head
    Butts Reminds me of That Drunk
    Dude that Attacked me in The

    Bar Having No Idea That
    Grace of Movement
    As the Feather
    Moves the

    Wind is Simply
    The Eye of the Hurricane
    Ready to Send Troubled Water
    Over Bridges True i ‘THOUGHT’
    i AM A PEACEFUL DUDE BEYOND REPROACH

    LeSSoN LEaRNeD Only The Shadow Never Knows

    Meh After That i Became Best FRiEnDS With my Dragon

    And Since That
    Night He’s Stayed
    Down in the Cage hehe

    Anyway Before i Could Even
    Think Faster Than A Speeding Thought
    Put Him Down in A Head Lock Immobilized Threat

    LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION part of the Reason

    i Don’t Return to Bawdy Dance Hall Bars Ms Daisy Doesn’t

    Drive and Morgan
    Freedom Isn’t
    Available to Chauffeur hehe

    Anyway ‘Twas A Dark And Stormy Night
    For Now The Beast is Hidden From View HAha..;)

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. “That book deal needs to come sooner”

        SMiLes Mr Gottfried Last Night in the Military

        Gym A Retired Dude Called me “Mr Show Business”

        As i Never Fail
        The Intensity of
        What it Takes to
        Create All of me Hehe

        So Later on We Got to Talking About
        College Football and How It’s Getting
        To Be Too Much Like a Professional Sport

        And Not So Much a Team Effort Sport to Build
        Character When Ya Lose And Face Whatever Obstacles

        Come in Life’s Way DarK Thru LiGHT True i Once Took a
        Philosophy of Sports Course in One of my 3 College Degrees

        Health Science Besides Social Sciences Interdisciplinary and
        Anthropology Pursuing a Master’s a Bit For A Year until they

        Cancelled the Area of Study in Social Sciences Interdisciplinary
        And Of Course Back in ‘Those Days’ Money Sure As Hell Didn’t

        Last Forever (i Was Impressed to Find Out Hell Doesn’t Last
        Forever in Real Life too Albeit the Eternal Now One Experiences

        iT iN FRoZeN
        Rings Dante
        Illustrated
        Nicely in His Book)

        Anyway i Didn’t Get to
        Pile it Higher and Deeper for a PHD
        Hehe Yet for me it was Always and Still

        Is For the Destination of Now in Human Potential
        As True Back Then When i Worked Out at the ‘Commercial
        Gym’ (Albeit 3 Scale Stronger Now in Empirical Measurement
        of Leg Pressing 699 Kilograms 12 Reps of Course) A Member

        ‘Accused’ me of Being A Professional Athlete For my Intensity at a Meager 170 American
        Pounds then Versus 246 American Pounds Today A Bit over the Usual 111 Kilograms

        As the New Gym Equipment Complimentary From Military Funds is Providing more
        Challenge and Muscle Mass That Comes From Greater Resistance as i Had Already
        Been Doing the Max on Many of the Old 16 Year-Old Machines i Picked Out as Athletic
        Director Among Other Collateral Jobs for the Federal Government Before i Retired into

        The Living
        Dead at Age 47

        True When Money is Taken
        Out of the Equation of Life in
        Terms of Not Having to Make Any

        For Work as i Related to the Retired Military
        Gym Dude Who Called me “Mr Show Business”

        So Many More Avenues to Pursue Human Potential Are Opened
        Up as We Don’t Have to Be Slave to What Anyone else expects

        Us to Conform to except of course Yes Dear and the Big Boss Wife Hehe

        Anyway i’ve Been Training Her as Supervisor of me for over 34 Years She does
        A Great Job of Mastering

        me the way i Like to

        Be Mastered Free too Hehe

        Anyway As far As Creativity and Writing
        Goes You Do A Stellar Job as a “Mr Show Business”
        on WordPress and i Do Mean that Sincerely too True

        Almost 500 Thousand Hits on Your Blog With Almost
        9 Thousand Followers is Surely Empirical Evidence of

        Your Influence on Bringing Creative Entertainment to
        Folks Scattered Around the Globe Whereas Let’s Face

        Reality as i’m Sure You Do in Nigeria If This Was Back Before
        the Online Age Of Information Technology And All the Amazon
        Self-Publishing And Other Free Avenues to Spread Creativity

        We’d Have to Deal With the Dam ‘Middle Men’ And

        Chances Are Our Efforts Would be in a Drawer

        Somewhere at Home Like Even What

        Emily Dickinson Did Until After

        She Died and Her Sister
        Made the Effort to Get Her
        Published Yet iMaGinE All the Places

        She Could Have Gone in Creativity

        Interacting With Folks All Around the
        World in Collaborative Efforts She Did it
        For Mental Health Therapy Anyway So She would

        Have Nothing to Lose and Perhaps Many FRiEnDS to Gain
        to Support Her Basic Humanity too and to me this the Greatest

        Thing You Do or Anyone Could Do And That is Lift Others Up

        And Add A Personal Touch to Those Folks You Interact with that

        Likely Changes Their Day Hopefully Whatever You Do for a Living
        is What You Enjoy too and Pays the Bills Yet anyway Our Modern

        Days and
        Technology
        Allow Us Reach
        Our Ancestors

        Could Never
        Even Dream of Then

        i have Much Gratitude to
        Live in this Day and age now…

        There Are Obstacles Yet without Resistance
        We Don’t Grow Stronger No Different than the Military Gym…

        Other than that i Explained to the Military Retired Dude as i’m
        Sure He Already New it That the Effort of Excellence i’ve always

        Put in at the Gym Carries over in Other Activities Like 19,277 Miles
        of Public Dance and Writing 12.4 MiLLioN Words of EPiC Long Form

        Poetry
        in 124
        Months

        in Response
        to Folks All

        Around

        Our Globe

        Yet i Told Him
        The Volume of Effort
        is Only About an Average
        of 5 Miles a Day and 3.3 Thousand
        Words a Day Key is Do it Every Day Without
        Fail as You Even Published Your Efforts on Christmas
        Day and New Year’s Day too Hey the Way i Look at it

        Even if a Monkey

        Dances And Types

        That Many Miles
        And Words Now

        At Least He or She

        Will Have Stronger
        Legs and Fingers Hehe

        Maybe Not Publishing A Book
        Yet Hey That Didn’t Stop Snoopy
        From Jumping For Joy and Doing
        A Happy Snoopy Dance Every Day of His Dog Life Either

        Moral oF A STory Be the Happy Dog Not The Frowny
        Downy Dog hehe

        Yep Be An
        Australian

        Shepherd

        or Golden
        Laborador Retriever hehe…

        Sooner or Later Someone
        Will Throw Ya A Bone HAha…

        If You Read Through All of This
        You Likely Can Chew Through Almost Any Bone Hehe..:)

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  9. And part two: ha ha pressed send before done.
    You are the highlight of my week. I have noticed a little more seriousness creep in. Don’t stop Banter. Please write as long as you can. Even if I don’t get the jokes always, I smile that you exist.
    Have a blessed year. God be with you. Peace be with you. Joy be your daily gift. Sending love and light.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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