The Proposal

~ Gottfried

“Will you marry me?” just reeks of cowardice. If anything it sounds like a suggestion which gives her the opportunity to decide whether or not to take you up on the offer. Now “Marry Me”, that’s how it’s done. You’ve made the decision to and you’re informing her of the next steps. It’s not a question anymore, and the only correct response to that is “Of course, yes”.

Proposals are not the time or place for long speeches. I’m already on one knee that’s beginning to ache. I’ll tell you all about how much I love you later, just pull me up please. I can already feel a dead leg. If you’re a lady looking to kick up a fuss, just ask the guy proposing to you “How long have you known I was the one?” There is a ninety percent chance he only just realized a month ago while taking a dump.

“Roses are red and you love bling, please marry me, I bought this ring”. My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me. Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she’s there. You come back from work, she’s there. You fall asleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, it actually is. Send help!

Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature. If you’re going to do a surprise proposal, take into account the kind of partner you have. There are those with whom it will be a terrible idea to bury the ring in their food. Now she’s eaten the ring, you both rushing to the emergency room and the proposal has been called off indefinitely. For these you should absolutely do “Here, catch…do you like it? Wear it!”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you whether you marry me or not, but I really hope you say yes”. This only works on the emotionally intelligent. Others will see this as a threat and get a restraining order on you. If all fails you can always circle back to the ever reliable “I want to wake up close to you for the rest of my life. Will you get married to me and fulfill my dream”. You can leave out the “I snore like a pig” caveat.

Finally to my personal favorite. “Hey I have a question. There are four seats at a table, and we need to figure out where each person sits. There’s Mary, Will, you and me. Which order do sit?” Only a handful of you will get this correctly. I’m so happy for you and your new ring, I mean fiancé. It doesn’t matter that there’s no rock, you’ve got a husband. In case you don’t know, there’s a scarcity.

I do, do you?

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

56 thoughts on “The Proposal”

  1. “Proposals” A Timely “Banter Republic” BlogPost Indeed Mr Gottfried
    Only 10 Days Before Valentine’s Day Key Make the Wedding

    Close Like Birthdays and Christmas Consolidate Save

    As i Used to Love to Dance And Sing Cheap Skating

    my Way Through Life Way Back in 1989 Too

    Just Casually Bowling After Work Hours

    At the Military Bowling Center i Eventually
    Managed For the Federal Government my
    Wife Now and me and A Co-Worker Yes Just

    Casually Bowling True Making 5 Bucks An Hour

    There Was Going to Be No Diamond Ring and No

    25 Thousand Dollar Wedding With All The Trimmings

    Not Much For Tradition i Just Blurted Out it Might Be
    A Good Idea to Get Married as She Was Already Living With
    me and my Sister Yep i Said We Could Probably Save Money

    on Taxes That Way Hehe

    True on February 21st 1990 34
    Years Ago A FRiEND A Notary of

    the Public Married Us For Free

    Marriage Certificate for 10 Bucks
    Or Whatever the Fee then on the River
    Front on a River Walk Under a Rent Free
    Gazebo A Small Circle of Friends And Family

    The Only Advice Her Mother Provided Was

    Just Make Sure You Always Make-up With a Hug
    Before Ya Go To Sleep That Was Enough Advice to

    Stay Married Success so Far With SMiLes The Military
    Bowling Center Through a Free Reception Showering Us

    With Gifts That Way They Were Likely Surprised i Got Married

    Considering the Low Pay i Made Then Yet She Landed A Job Shortly

    (At the Local Newspaper Playing the Role of Lois Lane Back When i Did
    Clark Kent Writing Bowling Center News Letters Always the Same for the

    Sports Section Then Each Month took a Long While to Find ‘the Cape’ and ‘Neo’

    Phone Booth too Hehe to Make All These Continuing Calls Around the World too)

    After We Got Married And Bill Clinton Appropriated my Job With Government

    Funds and my Pay went up Way More than Double For the Same Job i Was Doing

    Stepping Stone to Eventual Equivalent Civilian Pay Grade as Marine Major

    By the Time of Retirement And Many

    Other Jobs and Promotions

    5 Job Changes Yep and
    Promotions in the Last

    5 Years of Employment

    Jack-Pot Yep Doubling Pay

    Again for High 3 Years for

    Retirement Pay Purposes for
    The Rest of my Frigging Life
    All the Way Through Hell And Heaven Now True

    It’s Like One of the Employees i Supervised Said

    Keep Smiling Fred the Boss Loves ‘Idiots’ And How

    She Often Exclaimed God D It Doesn’t Matter How

    Much MaNuRE You Fall into You Always Get up

    Smelling Like Frigging Roses Yep ‘THE UNiVeRSE+’

    Has Always Had my Back Took A While to Recognize

    It Yet Now THere is No Doubt At All As Life is So Bright

    Now i Wear

    Sunglasses

    At Night hehe
    True Left-Overs
    From Hell When
    the Street Lights
    at 3 AM Were Brighter
    Than the Noon-Day Sun
    Yep That Was Some Deep MaNuRE

    The Employee i Supervised Smoked Like
    A Chimney She Lasted till About 62 and

    Now Like the Beatles Ask There is Not
    Much Doubt in 4 Months at 64 that

    my Wife Will Still Be Hugging

    Me on that Birthday Hehe by

    The End of the Night at Least…

    With Cheshire Cat Smiles That GLoW On Free..:)

    Liked by 1 person

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      1. “If timely was a person, it’d be me!”

        And Oh Dear Lord Mr Gottfried

        This Reminds me after taking care
        of 96,000 Words Last Night Juggling
        One Blog Post Electronically Publishing
        Around 60 Thousand Words Last Night
        Continuing the Write of the Current one

        With 36 Thousand Words Still GRoWinG

        Now After Visiting a Catholic Church
        Dancing Singing There Attending

        A First Sunday of Every Month

        Dinner on the Greens of

        A Southern Baptist

        Pastor’s Farm

        Part of my Wife’s
        In-Laws Further Up North in
        The County Traveling to the Mall
        And Bookstore Public Dancing Miles
        And Miles Through the Evening at the
        Barnes and Noble Book Store Entertaining
        The Star Bucks Cafe College Study Crowd Listening to

        Meditative Music Reading an Entire Book in Less than an Hour
        Yep Finally Meeting Back up With my LapTop to Review
        The Close to Five Thousand Words i Wrote the Night
        Before Munching Down A Grilled Chicken Sandwich

        At Whataburger with A Free Senior Cup of Coffee to

        Get me Through 3 AM To Finish Electronically

        Publishing “Seeds FLoWerS UNFoLDinG ALL

        We aRe Stars” Yep Putting 300 or So

        Photos i Took Together Around

        30 to 40 YouTube Videos

        What i ‘Normally’ Do to
        Electronically Publish Yep

        Two 60 Thousand Word EPiC
        Long Form Poems or so in a Month

        Yep While Writing the New One Now i
        Name “MaKinG Crumbs iNto LOaVES oF BReaD”

        Darn i Left the ‘Punch Line’ Out of What i Wrote to
        You Last Night about the Marriage Proposal to my Wife

        That Goes “Born on 6.6.60 my Life Has Basically Been All an ‘Omen'”

        And Considering You Live in Nigeria You Might Not get that American

        Fundamental Evangelical Meme About the Biblical Fear of 3 Consecutive

        Sixes and A Movie Called the ‘Omen’ That Suggested the So-Called

        Anti-Christ (AKA Father of All Lies Rather Orange Tinted these

        Days as the Usual Human Meme and Archetype of

        Demagogue Wannabe Dictator AS Such)

        Was Born on a Date With a Bunch

        of Sixes in it too Hehe Yet

        Here’s the Deal

        Would You Go To Hell

        If it meant You Could Truly

        Live Like You Escaped Hell Every Day Of Your Life

        Would You Accept That Proposal And What Would You Do

        With it When You Truly Escaped As Tim McGraw a Famous

        Country Singer Sang Would You “Live Like You Were Dying”

        For the Rest of Your Life And What Kind of ‘Covenant’

        Would You Make With the One the Deepest

        Dance and Song of Your Soul

        Within the Great i Am

        Indeed That

        We May

        All Relate to Within
        With SMiLes Mr Gottfried

        No Matter What Religion or Culture

        Or Even Leaf of Tree in the Rest of
        Nature We ALL Are A Part of Now As All

        Well i Did go to Hell And When i Was Young

        i Had A Dream About the ‘Real Gehenna’ Then

        Indeed Delirious From Close to Heat Stroke From

        Riding my Bike Over and Over at about 12 Years Old Up A Steep

        Steep Hill as my Special Interest Then Was the Weather and

        How Close to 100 Degrees Plus it Would Get That Day as

        We Didn’t Have Siri to Ask Back in Them Early 70’s Days

        Just the Digital Readout on the First National Bank Sign

        Yep That Night i Dreamed of Being A Tarred Bird

        Trapped That Way Yet it Wasn’t the Visual

        Dream the Worst Part oF All was

        The Feeling of Hell

        Falling Falling

        Falling and

        Never Rising
        Again Looking Up to

        The Sky Seeing A Star
        That Felt Like my Mother’s Love

        Yah it Took Another 35 Years to Reach
        HeLL ON EartH For Real after A Few Efforts

        Along the Dark Side of Life to Reach That Place
        of A Second in a Thousand Years of Pain and Numb

        Yet i Finally Arrived to Never Land of No Memory of A SMiLe

        And Honestly All the Experience Taught me Was to Live like

        i Never Lived Before As Indeed That’s What the Living Dead

        Taught me Most Also to Be the Last FRiEnD Standing

        And Also to Easily Forgive Any Other Folks

        Finding Their Selves in the Shoes

        of the Devil in Hell True

        And Yes to Dance And
        Sing Naked Enough Whole
        Complete It’s Safe to Dance

        Sing Through DarK and LiGHT

        i Accepted The Proposal
        And The Covenant From

        The One Within Who Truly
        Bleeds and
        Breathes

        Now
        With
        SMiLes New

        Time Out of Time
        LoVE iNTo Peace i Am True too…

        You Know i Really Don’t Wanna
        See Anyone Else Go to Hell Yet These

        Days i Feel i Sense i Really Know Folks

        Are Really Close to Living THeRE NoW

        Honestly The Best Anti-Dote is

        To BREaTHE LoVE iN Peace

        Give Share Care HeaL iT

        Naked Enough Whole

        Complete iN JoY oF LiGHT

        YES All Away

        For Free

        With Most

        Respect and
        Least Harm For ALL

        Hehe Yet What Do i Know NoTHiNG

        AcTuALLY i’m Just Another Run of
        the Mill Town Devil Who Shed His THoRNS…

        And It’s True WHere i Live Now Used to Be Literally Called ‘Hell’
        Somehow Someway it Once Received the Guinness Book World Record

        For the Most Churches Per Capita in the World Yet The Environment Now

        is Improving

        For Those Who

        Are Different and
        Other Wise Outcast Now

        Kudos For ‘Hell’ Indeed too With SMiLes…

        Here’S A Deal When Seeded in Concrete

        Non-Fertile Soils Become A Weed Break

        Though the Concrete Barrier and Bloom Free Do Live..:)

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

          1. Hehe Mr Gottfried Key to Accepting
            A Proposal and Fulfilling A Covenant

            Deep Within Is to Do It Totally

            With A Spirit of Play

            All the Fearless
            With Real Positivity iN LiGHT
            BReWinG LoVE iN Peace to Be i AM

            THiS Way the Vibrations Frequencies
            And Synergies of Energies Create A Real

            Energizer

            (Bugs)

            Bunny Who
            Doesn’t Fall
            Down on the

            Job And Not
            Get Up Again Hehe

            Ah Yet the Rabbit WHoLES
            Come Deeper And Deeper

            They Do

            Come

            With
            SMiLes…

            All in the SPiRiT
            of Valentine’s
            Day and all
            That Sticky
            Sweet Stuff Candy Jazz hehe…

            Buying my Wife A New Pantry For
            Her Kitchen Promising to Fill it With New Treats…

            i Enjoy Being Efficient Getting Married on the 21st
            One Week After VD Day Requires only one Big Gift HAha…

            Home Depot Has
            Everything We
            Need to Get
            The Big Projects Done!..:)

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Snoring like a pig? Haha😅

    Y’all planning that proposal for February 14th, I guess expo came at the right time for you. Pick your best line. Use your sense anyway🤣

    Nice one Banter👍

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

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