To be Constipated

Can you die from constipation? I’m a little worried with how full of shit some people are. Constipation is the sure sign that your guts are giving you the silent treatment. When I get a little action it means prune juice is working. Farts are screams of trapped poop. Pass on what you have learned. Thank you for calling the constipation hotline…please hold.

This stool shall pass. I must be emotionally constipated. I can’t seem to give a shit. Imagine your constipation becomes such an extreme case that the doctors have to perform a c-section on you to get it out. Do you know that banana is really good against diarrhea? By swallowing a banana whole, it goes into your tummy and acts like a bridge.

Constipation is difficult word to say. I have a hard time getting it out. That moment when you’re constipated in the bathroom stall and you start negotiating with the poop. You could have saved yourself the hassle by drinking water regularly but you didn’t. Save your butt today by drinking a glass of water every three hours.

Call me constipated If you want. I’m not shy of holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. The best way to help a constipating person is to scare the shit out of them. Picture this, your partner is constipated in the toilet and you stage a home invasion. One loud bang and she’ll let it all out. You only have to deal with the mild panic attack afterwards.

Constipation is the time robber, but diarrhea waits for no man. Well, yes, it’s constipation. But it’s so much more fun to say it’s a supply chain issue and your ports are closed. How are men like laxatives? Both can irritate the shit out of you. When the founding fathers wrote the constipation, there was no water in sight. Explains why it’s so shit.

What is the german word for constipation? Farfrompoopen. Have you watched the movie about constipation? It hasn’t come out yet. What do you call a constipated detective? No shit, Sherlock. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget! A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear.

Because he is unable to take a Pooh

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