The Ultimate Villain

You either die young enough to be remembered as a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I work part time at a liquor store, and as a super-villain. They call me the menace to sobriety. Nothing beats someone shouting your joke louder and getting all the credit for it. The start of your villain origin story.

Every villain is a hero in their own mind. All it takes is a spark to ignite the madness that is within. Madness, as you know, is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push. I like when movie writers take an actual lame villain and turn them into actual threats. Continue doing that.

Scooby Doo villain was apprehended in Colombian Capital. Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.” Prince Andrew is to star as the villain in a new episode of Scooby Doo. He would have gotten away with it too if he hadn’t have been meddling with those kids.

A hero without a villain becomes useless. A villain without a hero becomes…the government. I recently asked an enthusiast for the middle-ages on his thoughts about people watching public executions in the era, since I thought it was a villainous act to watch public executions. He then told me; “It’s not evil, it’s just medieval.”

Smile, because it confuses people. Also because it is easier than explaining what is killing you. What do you call a snarky villain walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending. What horror villain is best at saving money? Pennywise. Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic? The Terminator.

What’s the toughest part about being Batman? Knowing that you’ll never make your parents proud. Spare a thought for the guy who just completed a 16 hour shift and arrived the parking lot just in time to catch Superman throw his car at a villain and miss. Life is all about finding people that are your kind of crazy. As kids we loved the heroes…

As adults we understood the villains.

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