The Issues of Life

Don’t trust everything you see. Even salt looks like sugar. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. Maybe it’s because I’m aging. But age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are cheese. I don’t trust easily, so if I trust you, consider yourself lucky…or heavily under investigation.

When people tell me “you’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver. I’m so sick of my problems! I want rich people’s problems. Like where to park my yacht. Jokes aside, we should probably get therapy for all the issues we conceal with humor. I love you more than I am annoyed by you and that’s why you’re still alive.

How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you. I trust people to be exactly who they’ve shown me they are. Trust issues? I like to think of it as “highly selective trust requirements”. I have trust issues because people have lying issues. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. There must be something wrong with the recruitment.

Better days are just around the corner…they are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. My eyes have a lot of trust issues, they never fall for anyone. Whenever I have a problem, I sing. Then I realize that my voice is a lot worse than my problem. Just relax and accept the crazy. No man goes before his time– unless the boss leaves early.

Expect problems and eat them for breakfast. I have got 99 problems and I am not dealing with any of them. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest. Dear problems, give me some discount. I’m your regular customer. He who asks for stew ontop his Jollof rice has trust issues. The secret to staying young is live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.

Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me. Getting in a relationship may seem tempting but so was getting on the titanic and look what happened there. Do you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house? This is due to its powerful hind legs…

and the fact that the average house cannot jump.

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved