Surprised

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth. I think having a baby must be like one of those ‘surprise toys’ where you don’t know which one you’ve got till you open it. And you have to act surprised when you see how ugly newborns typically are. For the mother’s sanity.

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. Society is always taken by surprise at any new example of common sense. Surprise yourself by changing your dream into reality. You never know what I have up my sleeve. Today, for example, it was a dryer sheet. Fake people don’t surprise me anymore, loyal people do.

Life is full of surprises, you don’t know what will hit you. Could be a car, a bird or even a plane. Life is such a great surprise. I don’t see why death should not be an even greater one. The best kind of relationships begin unexpectedly. When you get the astonished feeling and everything happens so suddenly. After which you begin to resent each other.

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. Sometimes what you’re looking for comes when you’re not looking at all. I’ve been ignoring the idea of a million dollars for two weeks now. I wonder how much longer I have to wait. The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. When my niece says ‘Uncle, guess what?’, I know my wallet is about to take a journey.

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering—what the hell happened. I’m not going to make any plans. I’m just going to let the universe surprise me. I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.

Comedy can be surprising, so if you’re intending to make someone laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny. Better understated than overstated. Let people be surprised that it was more than you promised and easier than you said. Whoever says nothing surprises them should try working in my office. Death never takes the wise man by surprise.

Like fast food, he’s always ready to go.