Being a Man

~ Gottfried

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all. A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to get ‘fat’ every month. A thankless job.

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Man also invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I always thought it was me against the world, and then one day I realised it’s just me against me.

Men used to say, “Why marry the cow when the milk is free?” Ladies, these days I think the real question is: Why take home the whole pig when all you want is a bit of sausage? I’m not a naturally funny man. I find that I can only be funny if I become something else.

A boy plays at being a man. A man steps up and acts like one. Men are like a bluetooth connection. When they are beside you, they stay connected, but when you are away, they search for new devices. The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t gamble and doesn’t exist.

If a man says he will fix it, he will! You don’t have to remind him every six months. Only man had dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny. Money is what makes a man act funny. He even goes as far as acquiring a new way of laughing. Because a rich man’s joke is always funny.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a johnson, with only enough blood to run one at a time. The man who smiles when something goes wrong has thought of someone else to blame it on. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. Behind the fall of a successful man…

…is usually another woman.

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

26 thoughts on “Being a Man”

  1. Another Timely ToPic For ‘Banter Republic’ Indeed For “Being A Man”

    SMiLes Mr Gottfried This Much i’m Sure of There Are ‘Profound’
    Examples at the ‘Top of the Litter Box’ Of United States

    So-Called Leadership

    For What A Man Is Not

    Or Even a Human With

    Basic Common Decency

    (Humanity)

    Of Respecting Others Acting
    With Character Honor And Integrity

    You Know All that ‘Boring’ Stuff That
    We Used to Believe We Could Trust in Those

    Dedicated to Protecting All As Even Real So-Called
    Chimp Leaders Are Selected For Their Empathy and
    Ability to Cooperate and Lift All the Monkeys Up Not Just

    A Select
    Few Apes

    As That

    Comes And Goes

    And Returns Again Real

    True There is a Kind of Meek
    That is Graceful With Power that
    Need Not Prove Its Existence With Tools

    Other Than A Walk That Has Already

    Waltzed Across the Fires of Frozen Hell

    It’s Like a Solo Dance in a Bar So Confident
    And Balanced That Women Come up to You

    Hehe even
    as You
    Approach
    60 Years-Old
    And Say They Wished
    They Were Married to Someone

    Just Like You Hehe at Least Until You
    (me) Open Your Mouth and Monologue All of

    War and Peace

    And Basically

    HAha

    the
    Meaning of Life

    Just Dance Just
    Sing Naked Enough
    Whole Complete With Never

    Any Propensity to Tear Anyone Else Down

    True It’s Really Amazing How Overall Strong

    A Human Will Come to Be in Only Lifting Others Up

    Additionally
    It’s Not Likely

    Anyone Will

    Shoot You Dead
    For Not Respecting Others

    As ‘They’ Say ‘Live by the Long
    Gun Die By the Long Gun’ too

    You Don’t have to guess

    if a ‘Real

    Man’

    Has A Gun….

    Oh There’s that Other ‘Thing’
    As Boys Are Screamed At By
    Their ‘Big Daddies’ Boys Don’t

    Cry or
    Express
    Unadulterated Joy

    Source of ‘Little Man
    Syndrome’ Saw it on Full
    Display on a Stage Where
    The Generals of the Military

    Held
    Back
    Their
    Disgust at Least

    It’s True a Full Range of
    Emotions Regulated and
    Senses Integrated are the Science
    Shown Source of Most of Our Cognitive

    Executive Functioning Including Focus and
    Attention Span More than the Current Science
    Assessed Less than Gold Fish Attention Span

    of Yes
    Less than
    3 Seconds for Humans too

    True Not only That Yet the Source
    Of Short Term Working Memory and
    Long Term Memory Retrieval as Well

    Oh What a Handicap And Environmentally
    Produced Functional Disability A Lack of

    Emotional Intelligence Will Bring Yes

    There are Other Benefits like Still

    Leg Pressing 1540 Pounds 12 Reps

    Just Warming Up at the Military Gym at 65

    As True Regulating Emotions and Integrating
    Senses in Meditative Peaceful Ways of Flow

    Both Re-Generate and Re-Create Every Bodily

    System From Toes to Mind and Body Balancing Soul

    Anyway the So-called Examples i See Lately at the Top

    of the Bottom
    of the Litter-Box
    of Leadership just

    Reminds me of the Song
    “A Man I’ll Never Be” By Boston

    Yep It’s How Entire Societies Disintegrate

    As Honor Integrity Character And Trust in Truth

    With Respect For Others

    Swirl Around

    The Bowl

    And all

    the way down the hole

    Yet Hey At Least It’s all in
    Clear View For Others to See

    What a Man and Even Human
    With Humanity Is Not Such Is Karma

    Action
    And Consequence

    No Escaping Nature’s

    Curse
    And Gift

    And Warm
    to Icy

    Cold

    Grip

    Hmm I’ll
    Do Gift With
    Graceful SMiLes

    Can’t See any Feeling not to..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. “Men see this, men smile”

        Indeed Mr Gottfried There
        Is No Greater Privilege to

        Be A Man And No Greater

        Responsibility to Be A Woman

        Protecting Love Peacefully

        To Balance
        Both in One
        Human Holy
        And Sacred

        DiViNE
        iNDeeD
        With SMiles☺️🙌🙏

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

          3. “Bruno was a masterpiece”

            SMiLes Mr Gottfried God Yes

            Free Association of a Subject
            Bringing The Context New With

            Creativity and
            A Bit of
            Research
            To Freely Boot

            Ah Yes What a Real
            Man of Exploring Reality

            Giordano Bruno Dispelling Both
            Scientific And Theocratic Myths

            Not Unlike Jonathan Livingston
            Seagull Setting the Spirit of Exploration

            Free From
            Dusty Old
            Stuck in
            the Mud
            Tradition

            Like the Old Idea
            That the Sun Revolved
            Around the Earth Yet Burnt
            At the Stake For Defying the
            Religion He Was Once A Priest With

            Indeed Rome’s Papacy Set Him on Fire Yet Eventually
            Fell Down As Empires of Ignorance Naturally Still Do

            Do
            For
            Real
            As S Usually
            Hits the Fan ThiS WaY

            Hehe Sooner than Soon
            And Soon Again True Now too..:)

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely a few painful truths mixed in with the jokes.

    An entertaining collection of classic generalization.it seems men have a lot to complain about .

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Life handed me a hiatus, and I forgot how much I enjoy reading Gottfried’s banter. It feels nostalgic, and I’m remembering how I’d always wonder what was going through your mind as you write. Glad the cobwebs are off and I get to peek in again.

    “The man who smiles when something goes wrong has thought of someone else to blame it on.” – this is deep! Freeing for the man, but can be his undoing for the woman. What do women want?🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Once a man has made a commitment to a way of life, he puts the greatest strength in the world behind him. It’s something we call heart power. Once a man has made this commitment, nothing will stop him short of success.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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