What Happens After Dark

It’s the eve of Christmas. Celebration is in the air. Everyone is concerned about the presents but not Chike. He has his eyes on the prize. The Xmas turkey is marinating in the oven and he wants an early piece. Like a G.I Joe, he goes into stealth mode. After successfully navigating through the living room, he arrives at the pearly gates.

Choosing his weapon carefully, he delicately carves out a piece for himself. On exiting, there’s no room for error. But as with all expertly crafted heists, disaster strikes! He slips on a wet patch of floor and hits a tray of cutlery. There’s a loud bang, alerting the entire household. And that’s how Chike became homeless.

Too dark. We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy is when men are afraid of the light. Black is beautiful until it’s time to hire a front desk assistant in a reputable company in West Africa. I think the permanent bias towards “light-skinned” people is unreal. Is black too black for you? If they had the decency to say it as it is.

HR: I’m sorry we can’t employ you, we’re looking for a particular shade of black and well, you’re not it.

Applicant: I appreciate your honesty, but this is bull shit! (continues swearing till security comes)

Of course, you can’t be walking around with a matte black complexion and expect not to be hit by a truck! Shadow

Mosquitoes. As soon as it’s dark, they take center stage. Interesting that even among mosquitoes, only one gender is responsible for malaria. I believe that people wouldn’t mind it as such if all they did was just suck the blood and fly off. Why do they have to play a classical piece backward first? Beethoven? No! more like Bite-oven! You don’t fully comprehend the damage mosquitoes do unless you’re AA genotype. They can even take a chunk off your forehead for good measure. Love bites.

Thieves. The number one rule of thieves is that nothing is too small to steal. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind having thieves over at the house every now and then. The hunger in the land is great. I read a story of someone they got mugged off. The thieves broke in, warmed dinner and helped themselves to several plates, before making away with what was left of the leftovers. In such a scenario, there’s absolutely no reason to call the police. Think of it as a service to your community. Charity.

Pranked. Not only is a good prank harmless, but like a good story, it reveals an essential truth that would otherwise be hidden. All the greatest pranks happen after dark. I remember once, we woke a friend up at 11:30 pm and convinced him that it was daybreak. For some weird reason, he didn’t think it worthy to take a peep out of the window to see the full moon in all her glory. After he was completely dressed and was about to step out, we broke the news! Needless to say, I’m no longer invited to his wedding. Worth it!

Ghosts come out to play. During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a bit more open-minded. I think ghosts are cowards. Why wait till I’m so tired from the days’ activities before coming to test my insecurities? If you were such a badass, you’d fight me at my strongest. See you at 9am, I need to sleep! Ghosts can’t even stand a lit candle! So the next time you feel a ghost creeping up on you, whisper under your breath…