No Longer At Ease

The year is 2004, Staff Primary School. We are being monitored closely. My class is full of notorious noisemakers, and I’ll have you know, I had no part. (Who am I kidding? of course, I’m their king). Movement has been restricted and talking earned your name being penned down in the evil book of pupils to be disciplined.

As I sit here at my desk trying to avoid making a squeak, I suddenly feel a tug at my bladder. I needed to go, and badly! I try to hold on for as long as I can, but the urge refuses to go away. I summon the courage to walk up to my class teacher, Mr. Amakri, easily the most dreaded teacher in the school.

Me: (In a low tone, I implored) I’m pressed, sir

Mr Amakri: What is pressing you? The weight of stupidity on your head?

Me: No sir, I mean, I want to ease myself…

Mr Amakri: You’re lying, go and sit down!

Me: I’m not lying, sir! I need to go! (you’re not the one that needs to go!)

We all know how the story ends, your favorite boy took one for the team. Damn you Mr Amakri!

Ease. A term that overghasts and flabberwhelms me. How can you expect me to be at ease with myself when you’re clearly forcing me to pay attention to you? It feels like very powerful people trying marxlileostein with my mind. The difficulty you experienced pronouncing and understanding the meaning of that word explains my drift! How did you solve that math problem? “You, see it’s pretty easy, you just…” Hold up! if it was that easy? Why can’t I get it? Are you suggesting that I’m not bright enough? 💀

Every one of us has indeed been in a position where we’ve needed to quickly dart to the bathroom. Sometimes not because you really need to go, but because this version of Bruce Lee isn’t really focused on fights and muscle flexing, but the writers thought it necessary that Bruce Lee needed love too and as soon as ol’boy is about to get him some sugar, Dad walks into the living room because he suddenly needs to watch the evening news. And that’s your cue, you really need to go! For a long, long, time!

Attention! At Ease. Once again you find yourself at the scene of a March Past. There are people that can’t march to save their lives. Yes, I’m talking to you, with your two left legs. Who else thinks marching is pointless? How do members of the armed forces show their strength by stomping their feet on the ground a pointless number of times? When I can just push a button and nuke the entire parade, onlookers, family members, and the free press. Kaboom

Have you noticed that as soon as you’re in trouble, your memory suddenly becomes sharp? You start to see all the other courses of action you should have chosen to not end up in this fix. If Andrew hadn’t suggested you climb that mango tree, would you have a rabid dog nipping at your heels? The next time you find yourself in a situation and you feel the world is collapsing around you, ask yourself the burning question. What’s the worst that could happen?

Because something worse is coming.