No Longer At Ease

~ Gottfried

The year is 2004, Staff Primary School. We are being monitored closely. My class is full of notorious noisemakers, and I’ll have you know, I had no part. (Who am I kidding? of course, I’m their king). Movement has been restricted and talking earned your name being penned down in the evil book of pupils to be disciplined.

As I sit here at my desk trying to avoid making a squeak, I suddenly feel a tug at my bladder. I needed to go, and badly! I try to hold on for as long as I can, but the urge refuses to go away. I summon the courage to walk up to my class teacher, Mr. Amakri, easily the most dreaded teacher in the school.

Me: (In a low tone, I implored) I’m pressed, sir

Mr Amakri: What is pressing you? The weight of stupidity on your head?

Me: No sir, I mean, I want to ease myself…

Mr Amakri: You’re lying, go and sit down!

Me: I’m not lying, sir! I need to go! (you’re not the one that needs to go!)

We all know how the story ends, your favorite boy took one for the team. Damn you Mr Amakri!

Ease. A term that overghasts and flabberwhelms me. How can you expect me to be at ease with myself when you’re clearly forcing me to pay attention to you? It feels like very powerful people trying marxlileostein with my mind. The difficulty you experienced pronouncing and understanding the meaning of that word explains my drift! How did you solve that math problem? “You, see it’s pretty easy, you just…” Hold up! if it was that easy? Why can’t I get it? Are you suggesting that I’m not bright enough? 💀

Every one of us has indeed been in a position where we’ve needed to quickly dart to the bathroom. Sometimes not because you really need to go, but because this version of Bruce Lee isn’t really focused on fights and muscle flexing, but the writers thought it necessary that Bruce Lee needed love too and as soon as ol’boy is about to get him some sugar, Dad walks into the living room because he suddenly needs to watch the evening news. And that’s your cue, you really need to go! For a long, long, time!

Attention! At Ease. Once again you find yourself at the scene of a March Past. There are people that can’t march to save their lives. Yes, I’m talking to you, with your two left legs. Who else thinks marching is pointless? How do members of the armed forces show their strength by stomping their feet on the ground a pointless number of times? When I can just push a button and nuke the entire parade, onlookers, family members, and the free press. Kaboom

Have you noticed that as soon as you’re in trouble, your memory suddenly becomes sharp? You start to see all the other courses of action you should have chosen to not end up in this fix. If Andrew hadn’t suggested you climb that mango tree, would you have a rabid dog nipping at your heels? The next time you find yourself in a situation and you feel the world is collapsing around you, ask yourself the burning question. What’s the worst that could happen?

Because something worse is coming.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

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152 thoughts on “No Longer At Ease”

  2. My stomach hurts😂😂
    Seriously though , there was this one teacher I had in 2 grade that unfortunately had something rather painful stuck up her (you know what 😅) . That evil octopus would not let me go to the bathroom that day , no matter how many times I asked her. Needless to say , I was really pressed down and then I drowned (lol) 😲😥😅
    I was traumatized after that day forever 😅😅
    Lmao this post was so relatable 😂
    Have a lovely day!🤗

    Ps- god blast all evil (octopuses) mr and ms Amakris of the world 💀

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

      1. Evil. I say there’s pure evil in this world 💀

        Hah….then they’ll know🐲
        I’ll lock all the bathroom doors and throw away the keys in the ocean. They should just wait and watch 👹

        Have a lovely day!💙🥂
        Xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        1. Haha, and really unnecessary too. There’s no way your lecture is more important than my bladder bursting.

          😂😂 If you get your hands on the teachers bathroom keys, you could do a number on them too.

          And you too my chargie 😁😁😘

          Liked by 2 people

          Reply

          1. Seriously 😒😒😒😒
            We’re human dude. Surely you don’t expect us to have a secret mini black hole stashed away somewhere in our body that sucks up all that waste!!! If we have to pee , we have to pee! Okay , octopus ?😑😑😑😑😑😑

            Haha you’re right 😂😂😂
            Lol, I’m getting all kinds of scenarios in my head now😂
            (But they deserve it 👹👹)

            What’s chargie??? 😅
            Thanks btw 😘

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Haha, we should pitch this idea to Bill Gates. “The pocket sized toilet” strictly for the number one 😁😂😂😂

            Of course 😁😁

            Chargie is a slang that is used to address a friend. 😉

            Liked by 2 people

  7. Yup, the world is ALWAYS about to end. We’re living in end-times… and so were out parents and their parents and their parent and so on. It’s certainly important to have fear. It’s a wonderful navigation tool. DUCK, from that bird that flew in out of nowhere. Nope. It came out of somewhere, out of a blind spot we had. Ding sing sing ding. What’s blipping on your radar?

    “The next time you find yourself in a situation and you feel the world is collapsing around you, ask yourself the burning question. What’s the worst that could happen?

    Because something worse is coming.“

    It’s like getting stop-dropped in a ring bout and your opponent not knocking you completely out. Ohhhhh, bad idea, dood. I’m still alive. I’m still breathing. That means I’m still a problem. It may not be easy getting up, though I have an ease to still being alive, and tend to keep that. Being alive doesn’t require any effort. No matter how lazy someone is, they don’t even have to try to be alive. They just are… and, then take Bill Gates exrpression, “Have a complex problem? Assemble a team of your laziest people and assign them the task. They’ll solve it in no time in the simplest way possible… so they can get back to doing nothing. Problem solved.”

    There’s alive and kicking. There’s survival. I much prefer thrive-al. It gets more shit done in ways I find build value.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Every generation thinks they’re the last, till they die off.

      Haha, you’re right. Being alive has very little to do with the entity. Trying to die on the other hand takes a bit of hardwork.

      The lazy people bit is a masterstroke. Besides, lazy doesn’t mean unintelligent.

      We’re alive to survive and then thrive. Eventually, only you can measure if you’ve met the purpose for which you were sent.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

          1. No hanging in there, always staying safe, even when I daily edge up to almost over the cliff and sometimes just go liminal horizon surfing and fly… as high as my roots go deep. Daedalus was an Architect ya know, and I’m no Icarus.. 🙂

            You as well, mate.

            Liked by 1 person

  9. Mr Amakri: What is pressing you? The weight of stupidity on your head? ,This made me laugh so hard , surely gonna use this in real life !!!😂😂😂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

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