Humor Me

~ Gottfried

Humor is life and is seen in everything around us. That being said, it’s not okay to just sit quietly and then suddenly burst into fits of laughter. Psychopath! There are people who refuse to follow the natural order of things but in the end, life has a way of humbling us.

Doctor: Sir

Patient : It’s ma’am!

Doctor: Ma’am, you have testicular cancer

Dad and I are having a conversation about academic excellence and my question to him is, how is it that all the old folks around us claim they were high fliers in school? Who were the dumdums, school dropouts, the “last fives” if you will?

He’s at first unable to give a satisfactory answer on the day and I think I’ve won the battle. A few days later, one fine morning, he asks me to ride shotgun. I ask him where to? He says you wait! We get to the motor park and he points to a group of men arguing at a Newspaper Stand and goes, “there’s your last five”. He may have lost the battle, but he won the war.

Philosophers argue that the prettier the face, the less likely anything reasonable comes out of the mouth. Maybe I agree, just a little bit. The pretty ones are already used to the other party carrying the conversation while they contribute sparingly so there’s a chance they’ve never really had to task their brain, using their good looks to get by. But if you’re ugly(which you most likely are), there’s simply no excuse. The die has been cast.

As much as you’re willing to respect old folks, remember that fools age too. As I speak my truth, I know I am in big trouble. We can’t accord these seasoned professionals the status of entry-level foolishness. Instead, we elevate them to a higher standard of foolery. Cause they’re veterans you know! Respect the troops.

I personally like dark humor. You know, dark humor is like clean water, not everybody gets it. You want to marry the girl of your dreams but there’s the off chance she’s a marine spirit. For a clearer picture though…

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man over there without arms? Ask him to clap.

Kid: Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

As difficult as life gets, remember that you always have humor around you to help you get by. And if you’re in dire straits and can’t remember a joke to lift your spirits…

Pick up a mirror
© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

288 thoughts on “Humor Me”

          3. apart from the militarization of the city and the prohibitions (no more than 6 people for dinner at home, at Christmas you will have to change habits, from the age of 70 it is better that you always stay at home, in Lombardy (my region, the richest and most productive among the 20 Italian regions, the one in which Milan is located) we continue to have the highest number (in percentage) of deaths in the world due to the inability of our administrators …), no, no problem.

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  8. I’m curious….. are you ugly? 😉 I always wondered who was the first person to look at someone and say “he is ugly”. I mean by what standards? Anyway, if you were “pretty/handsome” you wouldn’t be able to write so well so you must be ugly. (ok, this was supposed to be humor, so take it as such)

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