I blame myself for having nut cases for friends. Every single one of my friends is challenged one way or the other (yes even you). Even in a bit of a crisis situation, the ingrained foolishness still shines through.
Gottfried: Shit, I just lost my wallet!
Gregg: Ah that sucks man, you’re still buying me lunch though right?💀
Gottfried: Are you under a spell? 😑
Gregg: You should have been careful with the wallet, look what you’re doing to us!
House hunting for a friend. I hit up Matthew, who lives in a rented apartment in a choice location with a plethora of options.
Gottfried: Hi Matthew, I’m calling about your estate, are there still any unoccupied flats?
Matthew: No man, sadly every one of them is occupied. I’m toying with the idea of leaving though, maybe in a few months…
Gottfried: Ah I see. Well, he’ll be needing it in three months, so can he have yours?
Matthew: Err, you see, my rents due in two months, after which I’ll get hit with a three-month eviction notice. So I’ll stay the three months before moving out…💀
Gottfried: What!!! Remind me again, how are we friends? 😭😭
“I married an ugly man that’s why my child is retarded”. First of all, if you didn’t marry your cousin, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Besides what does beauty have to do with IQ? Haha but still, even if you do end up marrying a handsome man and there is a strain of ugliness encoded in your DNA, the kids won’t be safe. Just look at that forehead, now your kids can’t find face caps that fit.
The wind. A football coach once blamed the wind for the shortcomings of his team. Not fitness, shoddy tactics, or team mentality, but the freaking wind? What in the tarnation? Almost equivalent to me saying that if it wasn’t for my having to actually spend money, who knows? Maybe I’d be as wealthy as my good friend Warren (surname describes a table of food). A friend once blamed his loss in a FIFA game to the team jersey being too heavy on his players. “It affected their pace”
Take me back to the era of parents choosing spouses for their children. A lady was giving her take on marriage at a function. In the submission, she disclosed that her parents chose her life partner on her behalf. Sitting there in the audience and listening, I think to myself, “well at least it turned out okay, right?”. Just as the thought pops up, she goes, “Thank God they chose for me because I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself for choosing this useless man” 💀
People try to blame the devil for things he had absolutely no part in. You thought it okay to pee in someone else’s backyard? But you get mad when women say “all men are dogs”. Bingo. Sadly, people will blame everyone but themselves. Accepting blame is a rarity. Deep down though, you know that the one individual at fault for every situation you find yourself in…
© Gottfried. All rights reserved.