If Dogs Could Talk

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A dog is a mans best friend according to experts. Women argue that “all men are dogs” and it’s fitting. We both share one thing in common, we can’t speak for ourselves.

An ethnic group in Nigeria have added dogs to the MENU. Such a shame PETA haven’t found them out yet. Dogs are smart so maybe it’s not such a bad idea, seeing as they possess all that wisdom. But if they could argue their case, here’s what they’ll say.

Get the damn ball yourself! You’ve thrown the ball a sum total of 1,000+ times and each time, I brave my all to go fetch the ball and bring it back to you, only for you throw the ball again? My friend, better go and get the ball yourself! Nonsense! No respect! Just kidding, don’t eat me, please…

Something happened in the kitchen. When I say I tried my best to cover my tracks I really did, but you got hands and I’ve got paws so it’s really difficult to cover up your tracks afterwards. I may have food particles on my nostrils but I want to categorically say, it wasn’t me.

Stop kissing me, I don’t know any better. I might not have a choice since you’re my owner and sadly you’re directly responsible for whether or not I live. But can you kindly ease off with the kissing? Your breath stinks! Do you even brush your tongue? Do better man, pats are cool but let’s leave it at that. Cheers

I pee where I want when I want! It’s natural to go absolutely anytime and anyplace I want. Why are you screaming at me for peeing on a tree? It’s literally the last part of myself I have left before you turn me fully into a toddler. Get off my back! Hold on a second, is that rabies I smell?

Don’t blame me! Imagine blaming me for thieves breaking into your home. Since you brought me home, you’ve never served me bones as juicy as these. So forgive me for letting these nice men dressed in black masks into your home. I thought they were family too.

I am what I eat. You’ve been feeding me okpa and leftovers and you imagine I’d grow any bigger than this? Can’t you hear my bark? I sound like a faulty generator and we all know who’s to blame. I can only keep watch during the day, you’re not the only one that needs sleep at night playa.

Lastly, I hate the cat. I dunno what kind of a psychopath lives with someone they hate, but here you are, forcing me to live with a sworn enemy. Just so you don’t say I didn’t warn you if you one day find the cat in a pool of its own blood…

blame the witches
Gottfried

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182 comments

  1. True.the animals are mosr faithful than the human.but you have made this point most funny and interesting🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I am what I eat. This is probably the first “bro” blog I’ve run to, so hopefully I’ll read more from you bro. Cool stuff… I know you can do it, so next time you write, do a raw post πŸ˜‚… Like let’s see what your e about bro. And tag me in it so that I can see it πŸ‘ŒπŸΎ

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Try them one time. Check out my blog titled “Working man”… It’s also written from a dog’s perspective.

        We are what we eat, and we just writing a out our food. You audience will love you for who you are… I think and I hope… Otherwise I wouldn’t want them lol

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I love how you give voices for the dogs. But I disagree with the last part. Dog and cats are not mortal enemies at least in my view. They become friends even without human interference. Oh but I see the message. It’s true, why would the hell you want to live with someone you hate right?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol,……So forgive me for letting these nice men dressed in black masks into your home. I thought they were family too. Who wouldn’t think so ,after being served some juicy bones 🀣

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I tought the woman say about mans ” pig ” πŸ€” not “dog ” but anyway i’m absoloute agree “dog are the best friend,i have one Bruny is franch bulldog and he make me to smile all the time 🐢

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Ohh ..no.. this is a vulgary vocabular i don’t use that.But i know some woman wich use lol..πŸ™„ Yess..i love animals ..all creation of God is beautiful..Dogs have a feelings to master.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Good thing, they cant talk also …its like you want to start a world war III🀣
    forcing me to live with a sworn enemy dont blame the witches, blame nature.
    Should try getting both Gottfried….let’s see how it turns out 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Are you now and what activist for Dogs?
    Lol. I really what to know in what context is ‘All men are dogs?’ general or gender specific?.
    If it’s gender specific, I want to say it’s somewhat right stating the characteristics you displayed here.

    Liked by 1 person

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