I hardly dream, but when I do, it usually features the mundane to the downright ridiculous. Experts say that dreams are a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in a person’s mind during sleep. I call bullshit though because I’m usually not thinking about anything right before I sleep. This entire episode I’ll be sharing with you happened under eight hours. You hate to see it.
You know the dream is serious when you find yourself falling endlessly. It’s been almost twenty minutes (dream time) and I’ve been falling continuously after being shoved off a cliff by my maths teacher for not knowing my times’ table. The beautiful thing though is that as I fall, I can see a king-sized bed several miles off, so I brace myself for impact. But rather than land on the bed, I find myself on a large feather.
It appears I’ve arrived at an alternate reality where humans aren’t higher animals anymore. In fact, we’re all subjects to a giant bird who is the supreme ruler. For whatever reason, the bird only spoke in Spanish and even more shocking, I seemed to be following.
Bird: Inclinate ante mi humano
Gottfried: sobre mi cadaver
Can anybody explain to me why I thought it a good idea to try to steal the golden egg she had laid? Now I’m being chased by a large bird, egg in hand.
As I flee from the bird, you will not believe who’s running beside me, oh haha who am I kidding, of course, it’s a dream, anything is possible. None other than the 44th President of the United States, Barrack Obama. He asks why the bird is chasing us and why we can’t stop it? In typical Obama fashion. You know how in dreams you find out that you’re unable to talk? I do my best to ignore him and keep running!
A permanent fixture in all my dreams is a war scene. With heavy gunfire and explosions. Up ahead I see my entire family all suited up in military gear. They all seem more prepared for the situation than myself. Did I tell you that the huge bird had morphed into a large fighter jet? Well yeah, that’s exactly what happened. Airstrikes! Take cover
After taking heavy fire for a few hours, we’re all fagged out so we find solace in a cave to rest our weary legs. I lay still, and close my eyes. You ever had a dream within a dream? Yup, in the second dream, I open my eyes to a gun was pointed in my direction. Everyone is running to take cover, but for whatever reason, my two left legs refuse to budge. I start to will myself to wake up because I somehow knew I was dreaming. Bang! I’m hit! As I fall to the ground, I wake into the first dream.
My eyes open, I look around, I’m on a football pitch. My team has just won a corner and the defenders (myself included) were urged to go forward. The ball is crossed into the box, it’s coming towards me, I jump as high as I can and head what I imagine is a football. I hear a loud bang and all the sleep vanishes from my eyes. Your favourite boy had hit his forehead on the headboard of the bed. Blood!
That’s it, no more dreams!