Humor Me

~ Gottfried

Humor is life and is seen in everything around us. That being said, it’s not okay to just sit quietly and then suddenly burst into fits of laughter. Psychopath! There are people who refuse to follow the natural order of things but in the end, life has a way of humbling us.

Doctor: Sir

Patient : It’s ma’am!

Doctor: Ma’am, you have testicular cancer

Dad and I are having a conversation about academic excellence and my question to him is, how is it that all the old folks around us claim they were high fliers in school? Who were the dumdums, school dropouts, the “last fives” if you will?

He’s at first unable to give a satisfactory answer on the day and I think I’ve won the battle. A few days later, one fine morning, he asks me to ride shotgun. I ask him where to? He says you wait! We get to the motor park and he points to a group of men arguing at a Newspaper Stand and goes, “there’s your last five”. He may have lost the battle, but he won the war.

Philosophers argue that the prettier the face, the less likely anything reasonable comes out of the mouth. Maybe I agree, just a little bit. The pretty ones are already used to the other party carrying the conversation while they contribute sparingly so there’s a chance they’ve never really had to task their brain, using their good looks to get by. But if you’re ugly(which you most likely are), there’s simply no excuse. The die has been cast.

As much as you’re willing to respect old folks, remember that fools age too. As I speak my truth, I know I am in big trouble. We can’t accord these seasoned professionals the status of entry-level foolishness. Instead, we elevate them to a higher standard of foolery. Cause they’re veterans you know! Respect the troops.

I personally like dark humor. You know, dark humor is like clean water, not everybody gets it. You want to marry the girl of your dreams but there’s the off chance she’s a marine spirit. For a clearer picture though…

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man over there without arms? Ask him to clap.

Kid: Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

As difficult as life gets, remember that you always have humor around you to help you get by. And if you’re in dire straits and can’t remember a joke to lift your spirits…

Pick up a mirror
© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

288 thoughts on “Humor Me”

  4. Funny stuff! Your mind never ceases to amaze me, but didn’t I see you at that newstand the other morning.

    Well . . . just kidding! I think the Last Five have moved over to the cafe down the road. They drink coffee and solve all of the world’s problems, but the cheapskates never leave the pretty server a tip. They barely if ever notice her.

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  8. Oh Goffry, how have you lived without me all this time? Black humor for me is a priest who blesses the coffin in the grave and has a quick gesture of his index finger in the nostril, unable to swallow it in front of relatives, gets rid of it by throwing it on the coffin … a shame buried forever 😉

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