In The Eyes Of A Giant

~ Gottfried

There is a permanent bias towards tall people. For short people and/or fat people, people are quick to get on a high horse when you call out the obvious. But giants get no such protection. I am always getting roasted for being tall like it’s a bad thing. Talking about “you’re tall for nothing”. How about you? What’s your excuse for being the same size as a side stool?

Joseph: How tall are you?

Gottfried: 6’5

Joseph: Do you play basketball?

Gottfried: Nope

Joseph: What a waste! How can you be that tall and not play basketball?

Gottfried: Do you play mini-golf? No? But here we are.

Yes, the rumours are true, the air up here is a lot fresher. One of the upsides of being a giant, away from being able to reach the top shelves at supermarkets (subtle reminder we’re not obligated to assist you), I also get to breathe fresher, unadulterated air. No guessing why brief people are constantly making a fuss, their nostrils are clogged.

I am not your selfie stick. If I do choose, out of the magnanimity of my good heart, I could take charge of selfies. If I’m not feeling it, leave me alone, nobody asked you to come here a minion. Oh and yeah, when you “play” punch me, it actually hurts. Being huge doesn’t reduce the pain. One of these days I’ll hit back and land you in the hospital.

I’ll start charging for hugs. There’s a common misconception that giants are your life-sized teddy bears. Kindly shelve that idea. It does help if you smell nice though, so replace your deodorant and we’ll see. I’ll tell you this though, I’m tired of people hugging my tummy. Can you guys like “grow up”?

I get tired too. For my little nieces and nephews, if I’ve carried you once, I can’t do it ten more times, don’t be a little shit. For the older folk, the same applies, the last thing on my mind is to carry y’all on my back. I remember this one time I scored a match-winning goal for my Department and the entire bench ran onto the pitch to celebrate with me. I found myself under a pile of close to twenty bodies. Long story short, I nearly died that day.

My dress sense isn’t off. You don’t just know the struggle of finding items of clothing and shoes that fit. Don’t be that asshole that’s counting the number of my outfits. Talking about “you like this shoe oh”. My friend, it’s my only shoe, shut up. I have to make all my shoes, plus they cost a fortune. It’s not that I planned to look homeless, it’s the market.

There are many positives to being a giant. You can randomly give someone a knock during a parade and they’ll never guess it’s you. But know this, Giants are some of the kindest, warmest, most caring and all-around welcoming people you’ll ever meet. The idea isn’t really to talk down on you, it’s just how it is. It does help that people “lookup” to me and I promise to not disappoint.

Get yourself a giant

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

294 thoughts on “In The Eyes Of A Giant”

  1. I’m just barely five feet tall, and as a tiny person, I would like to express my utmost gratitude to all the gentle giants who have helped me reach a box of cereal, put my baggage in the overhead carrier, and inadvertently shielded me from strong wind on cold winter days. Your kindness is greatly appreciated, and I always strive to return the favor by picking stuff up from the floor or looking for small electronics in couch crevices.
    PS – Thanks a lot for liking and following my blog!

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  3. Are you really 6’5″ ? Dayum , I’m just 5’3. That almost makes you 12-13 inches taller than me😨

    Haha there was this tall guy in my school and I distinctly remember everyone using him as their diy selfie stick 🤣🤣 I might have been one of them too , at a time or two🙃

    Spot on! This was gold😆
    Great post 💙👍

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  6. Totally relatable! I’m just reasonably tall but still buying right-sized shoes has always been the most difficult task for me.

    You’re tall for nothing… I’m hearing it for the first time! 😂

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  8. well, if you don’t play basketball, carry kids around and reach for tall shelves.. then what good are you? ha. Well, you’re off the hook for hugs these days but knocking your head through the door jams might know some sense into you. lol. good post

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      1. lol!~ always on your side.. just trying to practice my sacrcasm again. 🤪. Well, your head could be getting so big from all of your followers maybe hitting your head on the door jam will deflate it a bit. 😹.

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  9. oh my gosh! i’m the second-tallest girl in class, and if you think life as a tall guy is hard, try being a giant teenage girl. minus, i don’t ever get to wear heels. plus, i don’t know how to walk in them. so… eh. i’ll probably wear heels anyways and then the boys who make fun of me can “be my side stool,” as you say.
    there’s precisely one girl taller than me, and she gives the BEST hugs. the. best. hugs. EVER.
    it feels so nice to actually have someone’s head above you rather than just about brushing your shoulders.
    well, to be fair, my mom’s 6 feet tall, and that’s a giant by Indian standards. i’m also a giant by Indian standards. it’s a shame, my family constantly jokes about how i’m not going to find an Indian boy taller than me and how we’re going to search forever. like, keep quiet. my mother married someone shorter than her, i’ll do the same if i want to. highly annoying.
    whatever. loved reading this, and i can SO relate to most things! am not a sporty girl, and people say, “oh, your legs are so long, why don’t you participate in the relay race? take 5 steps and you’ll reach!”. like hellooooooooo, i can’t do a full pushup forget run 400 meters.
    being tall AND stick-thin is just a pain. “beanpole! stick insect! tree branch!”. like COME ON. that’s the best you’ve got? are you SURE your skull isn’t hollow?
    sorry for that rant. there are precisely 2 people i can rant to about being excessively tall, and now you’re the third. so forgive me if my frustration gets the better of me… xD!
    love always,
    [gotw}

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    1. Haha, I woke up to this and I have laughed so much I think I had tears in my eyes 😂😂

      Had no idea tall girls had it this tough. I promise to be giving out free hugs to tall girls now 😄

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      1. tall girls have it the worst. THE. WORST.
        like everyone has this unnatural expectations that girls need to be exactly 4’3 and be curvy and have tiny noses. and being a girl who meets exactly 0 of these standards, this post made me laugh, yell and cry all at once.
        xD!
        ❤

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  10. ♡ Got a “Giant” in My Teens; then I fucked her over then she fucked me over BIG!!! (pun intended) Time…now I’m waiting for her to crawl back; so I can feel like a “Giant” 😂🤣😅😆😁😄😃😀🙂

    …♡♡♡…

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