Pearl

You know what they say about firstborns, the guinea pig for parenting. Pearl arrived to a lot of celebrations and fanfare. Little did management know that three more were on the way. Born a Luna, she took the role head-on.

The alpha of the pack, she made us tick. The glue between the parents and the children. How else will my parents know I secretly ate at a birthday party? The mediator and protector of the family name. And sometimes, attorney of Heaven’s court…

Pearl: Why did you eat all the bananas?

Gottfried: I did not

Pearl: So who ate them cause I’m sure it’s you!

Pearl: You don’t know that if you lie, you’ll go to hell and fire will be burning you…

Gottfried: You think I like that thing you’re saying 😧

Auxiliary Parent. It’s no secret that firstborns are oftentimes given so much responsibility that the younger siblings almost always see them as a Parent. She called the shots! She shared everybody’s chores (including my actual parents) and ensured that those who didn’t complete their chores felt the brunt of it. Snacks and special delicacies remained untouched till her arrival. Unless of course, you had alternative sleeping arrangements with a neighbor would you dare challenge the status quo?

Meticulously meticulous. If she decides that a particular meal must be eaten in a certain way and with a certain topping, you better pray to the old gods you don’t die of hunger. This one time, her husband and I are waiting to eat breakfast. What was taking so long to make? Sandwiches. I look at the old boy and I’m like…

“I’m not trying to die in my own backyard”

So we sneaked out to go and eat. She gave me an attitude for about 72 hours. Looking back, was it really worth it? Staying alive? I mean, of course!

For the big occasion. Birthdays, weddings, funerals, she got you covered. She will throw her weight around you and ensure everything goes to plan. One of my earlier birthdays, she organized a cultural dance group to make a presentation, complete with drummers(who drummed on buckets by the way). This is the clearest indication yet that I’ve always been a big man.

The queen of persuasion. Pearl, when she’s in the mood, can convince you to do anything. Ranging from going to help her grind pepper to traveling several hours for a surprise birthday party. She’s that good. Heck, there were periods we listened to her at the expense of our parents’ instructions. Mom used to travel a lot at the time, so she’ll calmly tell you that when this interim government leaves, we all know who power will be restored to and nobody wants that smoke!

Conflict resolutionist and in-house therapist. If she notices anything is the matter with you, you better be ready to spill because she’ll quiz you to death. It’s worse if you’ve been behaving badly because as children of a clergyman, that was quite simply unacceptable. She once dragged my brother and me to church and knelt beside us to ensure we confessed our sins that day. Long story short, we got all the colors of salvation there is.

Leader. From excelling academically (winning multiple awards), to showing us how to handle relationships. If I’m ever in line for a political appointment(nailed on to happen by the way), she’s in line for my first draft pick for commissioner. They don’t make them like Pearl anymore. No seriously, I called the baby-makers to make an order for myself and apparently the materials they used for her have been discontinued.

Of great price