Sell Yourself

How much are you worth? People usually think they’re smart when they reply with, “I’m priceless”. You do realize what that means right? You have no real quantifiable value and as such you think that’s a clever response? Think again.

And no, your bank balance is not a true reflection of your worth. Repeat this line to yourself several times before you fall asleep. It will help you sleep better. That being said, I think the real question you should ask is; Who am I? Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

Auditioning for a role. I always wanted to be a school functionary. Not to bring about any greater good but to expand my bullying scope. The year before, the prefects were elected into office but the school wasn’t too happy with the election violence that ensued and the rumors of missing ballot boxes. So when it was our turn, they decided it would be by appointment. Others were preparing for what they were going to say when they faced the panel, but not me. Cojones

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A Kenyan woman sold her husband for $17. And that’s not even the outrageous part. Here’s where it gets better, she sold the husband to the lady he was cheating on her with. My problem? How did she arrive at the $17 valuation? Did she consult the stock market? Did she account for inflation? How did the transaction take place? Was it across the counter? Did she bag the goods? Did the husband’s family get a cut? Questions.

Finding your passion. Most people I know are only passionate about one thing, EATING. Finding your passion puts you in pole position to sell yourself in the best possible way. Now all you need to do is to find a place where your services are required, Miss I Love Leftovers. Once you’ve found that thing you’re passionate about, best believe you can do it. You see, the thing is, whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re absolutely right. Got it?

Job Interviews. Death will be a great relief. No more interviews. When you go in for a job interview, I think its a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. Just kidding, but for real though, you need to do your homework. Sometimes it’s not that you don’t want the job enough. Maybe you’re still suffering from the PTSD you went through as a child when you were asked to go get your slippers and your parents vanished before you returned from getting them.

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Interviewers should cut you some slack. Things are already hard enough as it is. How can you be asking me if I can work under pressure? What is pressure? I feel that the real downer is hearing the words ‘we will get back to you’. So you take an extra step to make sure they do…

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Selling yourself short. If you stick to what you know; you sell yourself short. Ironically, this goes against the argument about honing your skills and becoming an expert. But what skills really? Sleeping all day is not a skill. It’s a disorder that needs to be addressed urgently. Ultimately, the goal is to keep away from people that try to belittle your ambition. You know, people like your parents and siblings who don’t believe in your magic tricks.

A toast. Now you have earmarked one fish out of the millions of fish floating in the sea. You just have one small problem. How do you convince that fish to follow you? Now I know the old school brothers will tell you to practice your lines and buy a new cologne. But that’s a waste of resources. All you gotta do is make the fish think it needs you. Simple. Rather than toss worms at the fish, become a worm. A tasty tasty worm.

Finding yourself. It’s not really how it works. You’re not a ten-dollar bill forgotten in a raincoat. You’re also not lost. Your true self is right there, barred by social conditioning and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid bringing you up to this very point. But know this, that wealth should never be your goal in life. Your words are eloquent but they are mere words. True wealth is of the heart, not of the purse. And of course, if you take my advice…

you’ll die poor, but very happy.

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

220 thoughts on “Sell Yourself

  1. Hi,may we know you? of course,you may know me,what do you want to know? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚that guy looks so relax to me …I was thinking of adopting your interview tips but it will be helpful for someone else not me πŸ˜ƒ.great post !

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “You’ll die poor but happy” Poverty doesn’t taste good either, I’m gonna be wealthy and happy.
    I think I should ask my prospective employer to swear by his mother or preferably Ogun-the god of iron. Got some new year tips already.
    I love this.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You had to shade me on your blog because you know I’m passionate about eating. Mad o! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Did the $17 include cost of delivery? πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Scusa sa’…
      Innanzi tutto grazie per tutti quei Like ma… mi spieghi come cavolo hai fatto a leggere una quarantina di post in due minuti?
      CapacitΓ  di lettura veloce?πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‹
      Bah!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. you’ll die poor, but very happy πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Happiness is important but you see Wealth πŸ€”…
    So back to the lady that sold her husband for $17, you need to provide answers, how was payment made? Online transfer or pay on delivery πŸššπŸ€·πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The fact that this piece is something really enlightening and flavoured with humor….well done man

    Btw, did I see someone indicating Blood covenant πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sleeping all day during the weekend is a necessity, you gotta get back all the energy you used up during the week.
    I always never understand the working under pressure question, but then again you have to answer with caution cos the credit alert is worth it.

    Nice piece gottfried!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are a Mumu this guy, too brilliant abegπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ i would to tell u to swear by your mother that u will have sense but its high risk πŸ˜‚ 🀣 πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ 🀣 🀣 🀣

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Eating n sleeping is my hobby πŸ˜” i feel attacked 😭😭😭. The interview part though. Last interviewer asked “can you tell me about yourself” like it literally stated on my CV except you must me to add how i enjoy running an imaginary company in my tiny apartment or how i ask rent from the roaches and rats in d room. Some HR won’t make heaven.

    To my worth, i guess i will ask my 10months old daughter because my breastmilk is very important to her πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. I love your posts…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Asking rent from roaches and rats had me in stiches. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      I believe at 10 months, she’s in the best position to say. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Thanks for taking time out to comment, love the feedback. ❀

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I don’t like sleeping…..I’m simply following your advice to go to bed after saying this.

    “My bank account is not a true reflection of my worth” (said this 50 times)…….now on my bed so I can sleep.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Ok. This is the most serious you’ve sounded. Interviewers should start entered blood covenant to ensure they get back as promised.
    Except, of course, if the interviewer is me. πŸ˜‚

    Nice one Gottfried. Reading your works is a mood.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I feel like my week is made already; such an energizing piece.

    And yes the interviewer needs a refined courtesy, like the job was some secret I wasn’t supposed to know about.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hilarious πŸ˜‚.
        Sometimes you wish this interview tables turn.
        That said, -“I can work under pressure” is a permissible untruth.
        You’re the best man!

        Liked by 2 people

  12. What if I finish selling myself and I don’t have me anymore, who will now reap the me that I have sold ? I can’t come and kill myself and run away… Thinking aloud though. You’re on it man, more green light.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Lol, well, My bank balance is not a true reflection of my worth! My bank balance is not a true reflection of my worth!! My bank balance is not a true reflection of my worth!!! My bank balance is not a true reflection of my worth!!!!…….

    But what if sleeping is someone’s hobby?, Cool or ?

    Liked by 4 people

  14. They asked me how much I felt I was worth and I replied.. $250 Trillion, then I told them to sign it all over to Jenna Louise Coleman to do with as she pleases since money is just toilet paper to me.

    Now whether they followed through or not makes no difference to me from there on in due to obvious reasons of not desiring the money in the first place.

    I just figured she is all miss helping people from many nations behind the screens so she would know exactly how to help people with it, pays to creep people at times.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. It’s fair considering the amount of lies embedded into money backing that it is basically worth toilet paper in many cases.

        It’s like a dirty little secret spinning out of control within the global economy machine.

        Meaning that many are basically printing money like one would in a fraud sense and not using it to feed their people or do good things.

        They are using it for themselves and other negative things.

        Which is where the whole issue is between myself and that fact.

        Since I do not see a problem with it when used to create a better life for everyone because that’s just robin hood robbing the rich to feed the poor which is then ok.

        All is forgiven through love type of logic alongside duty of care.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I always wondered how they decided how much money to print and how much of it ends up in circulation?

          I do sincerely subscribe that it be used for the greater good as you have mentioned.

          Robin hood has nothing on you by the way. You’re a hero 😁

          Liked by 3 people

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