The Mirage Of Birthdays

~ Gottfried

Birthdays shouldn’t be celebrated! If anything, birthdays are a rude awakening to the fact that you’re inching ever so closer to death. I also think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is too. But folks choose to celebrate and I think maybe there’s something to celebrate if you’re wealthy (not rich). If you’re broke, exactly what are you celebrating? An anniversary of poverty?

The wishes. Every year I get wished a happy birthday, my brain does that thing where it decides to respond “same to you”. Wishes in truth aren’t such a bad thing, except you’re wishing me triplets. Did you even ask if I wanted kids? But of course, birthday wishes are usually accompanied by a lot of ego-stroking, which I enjoy by the way. But telling me how I’ve been such a great friend to you is borderline Satanism. We haven’t even been in touch since my last birthday so how did you work that out? The Lies!

The gifts. The annoying thing about birthdays is that you never get the gifts you want. After hinting and hinting all year round, people have the nerve to send you a card that says, “I celebrate you”. What are you celebrating? Can’t you take a hint? An already bad situation gets worse when they go out of their way to get you something ‘thoughtful’. Who asked you to be thoughtful?

20200119_224855_0000

Social media. Social media creates an unhealthy buzz. Suddenly everyone seems to give a hoot about you, in what I like to call a bandwagon effect. One group will decide that it’s their job to post embarrassing photos of you, as a show of love? No honey, my soul mate might be on your contact list, please fix-up. You unblocked me to send me wishes, why? You posted a paragraph of events that never happened, for clout? No dear, you’re not my fave

The Turn-up. A party without cake is just a meeting. Here’s a pro tip, that your friend that is most excited about the idea of a birthday party is more often than not coming empty-handed. If you’re going to a birthday party, the least you could do is show up with a bottle of wine. Ideally, you should come with a tray of chicken wings but I’d manage the wine. How can you come empty-handed? No gifts, no wine, just you and your pot belly. Freeloader

The calls. If you’re going to call on a birthday, the least you can do is sing the birthday song. Unless of course, you can’t pitch (yes I’m talking to you), in which case you should channel that energy into making wishes and prayers. And remember, long life is pointless if there’s no long prosperity. Don’t ask the celebrant how old they’re turning unless your follow up question is to ask their hand in marriage. Which is very rarely the case!

Family. How your family reacts to your birthday is solely decided by you. If you make it a big deal, they’ll tow your line. Left to them, they’d love to have the smallest celebration possible, especially if it isn’t a landmark birthday.

This one time I decided not to make a fuss about my birthday and it backfired handsomely.

20200119_225021_0000

After fuming throughout the entire day, I got to the dinner table and my brother is pacing around the living room like a man in the ER. He goes…

20200119_225320_0000

I’m livid! The nerve of these guys to forget! To add insult to injury, mom looks across to where I’m seated and goes, “My lovely boy, oya take an extra piece of meat. You deserve it!” Worst Birthday EVER!

On your birthday, know this! You will never be as young again as you are on the day, so try to have fun. But be careful, because you have never been that old before. And if you ever feel bad on your birthday, you can find solace in the fact that at least you’re not as old as you will be next year. Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind…

it don’t matter.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

318 thoughts on “The Mirage Of Birthdays”

  1. Oh. How difficult it is to feel comfortable on your birthday. Always everything that happens is not what you expect. There are hardly any recipes for holding a birthday, except for the recipe – not to notice this day as a special day. this is the same day of your life! 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply

      1. Yes. But nothing else can be invented.
        Recently, I take a vacation and go on a trip with loved ones. There you can not listen to the regular congratulations of colleagues, do not pretend to be very pleased and joyful, do not pretend to be a cutie, but several times quarrel, if you want, at your pleasure with loved ones and spend the day like a normal day on a trip, having dinner in the restaurant in the evening.

        Liked by 2 people

        Reply

        1. I absolutely subscribe to this. I’m tired of my colleagues at work pestering me to get a birthday cake even when I don’t feel for cake.

          Birthdays are best spent with loved ones who understand that there’s nothing you love more than peace and quiet. 😁❤

          Liked by 2 people

          Reply

  2. Lol
    Birthdays are days when most people pretend to know and love you,making you feel like a celebrity 😂.
    You’d receive like 53 calls and 86 messages but on a normal day the best you’d get is like 2 and one out of the two may be from family.
    Life goes on.

    Liked by 6 people

    Reply

  4. You were using style to beg for PS5, boldly approach the madam now, e no dey pain 🤣…

    You know you’re right in that you do not attend a birthday party empty-handed, that’s why some of us refused to accept birthday party invitations when we know we’re broke – it’s called self-respect. 🤭

    ******
    Even though, it’s 4days after your birthday, I wish you still, a very happy birthday with next year promising to meet you and your friends in wealth (so they can present you with the upgraded PS). 😍❣️

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

    2. 😂 😂 😂
      I remember how I shut off my social media last year on my birthday… You didn’t believe till a day later… I hate birthdays… It was fun and easier to handle as little kids… And over time, people’s wishes for you appear so passive and less genuine… Only a few really care genuinely about you on your birthday and that’s the hurtful truth.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.