A Dying Wish

~ Gottfried

Death is something we all have in common, but few of us like to think about it or discuss it openly. The thing about death is, unlike mishaps and accidents, it doesn’t miss. It will happen, maybe even sooner than you think. I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. With that in mind, you really should start making preparations so that your kids don’t ruin the funeral.

What do you feel when you’re on the verge of dying? Peace, fear, anguish? I know I’m going out with a smile. When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi so that people will visit me more often, who knows, some might remember to bring flowers. Heck, feel free to have a picnic or throw a small party on my grave. There’s no disrespect involved, between us, we both know I’m not in there anymore.

You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. For his dying wish, Chris called Jerry to deliver an urgent message. He had a special request from his old pal. Chris asked Jerry to make sure that he is cremated, put it in an envelope, and sent it to the Internal Revenue Service. Jerry is bemused. “Why? he asks”. “Well Jerry, they’ve so taxed and taxed me, they might as well tax my remains”.

A long overdue family reunion. A story of a man with his wife and kids not on speaking terms with each other. For his dying wish, he requested that they all had a family retreat to honor his death. He left clues in the different events he mapped out to remind them of all the fun experiences they had growing up. It worked a treat. They actually started talking to each other as opposed to using sign language.

Personally, I’d opt for something a bit less ordinary. The retreat will be replaced with a yacht cruise and my eldest will be charged with the responsibility of pouring my ashes into the ocean. For the twist, the captain will be instructed to shut down the engine in the middle of the sea and create panic. You know, just to see which one of them openly curses me.

Renewed hostilities. Mark and Dave weren’t on speaking terms with each other over an agelong squabble. They decided to make up because Mark was in a bad spot, about to go under the knife with a 50:50 chance of survival. After a long conversation and a few tears, they made up. Just as they were about to wheel Mark into the theatre, he turns to Dave and goes, “On the off chance I don’t die, we’re still quarreling!”

Near-death. I can already picture it. Lying there on my death bed, admonishing my household before I set sail. Everyone is dressed in sackcloth per my requirements. Also, if your head isn’t shaven, there will be orders to not let you in. I look to where my youngest is standing and go, “You clearly aren’t doing enough crying for my liking”. It’s a wail fest. They’re crying according to the tonic solfa I contracted a composer to write.

The letter. Of course, I’ll leave them a letter to be read two weeks after I flee. To my oldest, you’ve always been very silly growing up, but since I’m dying I might as well say a few nice words to you. “Get some help man, seriously”. You lot should battle each other for my properties. May the best kid win. To my loving wife who endured me all these years. If I were to come back to this world again…

I’ll marry a chiropractor instead.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

534 thoughts on “A Dying Wish”

  1. Discussing about death before it’s actually comes is not the African tin.
    I bet when someone start such discussion dat person might be tag insane

    Liked by 4 people

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  3. This is a great read. I gotta start thinking about my own scenario. How about organising a maze runner kind of situation. First to come out of the maze takes all my properties.

    Or a treasure(my ashes) hunt, leave clues all over the world. First to find it wins my ashes. The properties? There’s a will to be read after the treasure hunt is completed. 😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 4 people

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    1. Haha, you gotta make sure half your kids are overweight first to add spice to the spectacle 😂

      Haha, this sounds amazing. One of these movie producers should get their hands on it.

      Liked by 2 people

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  5. I dreamt I died young after a heroic act. The angel was beckoning me to heaven but I took time to go round and reassure pals and fam in the spirit while they stood guard of my body.
    I was tempted to come back but heaven looked so beautiful!!

    Liked by 5 people

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  7. To be honest, death scares the hell out of me.
    That’s normal I guess?.
    Anyone who says he’s not scared of death is just forming hard guy… I think😏

    Liked by 5 people

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  9. Lol
    This really cracked me up.

    “They’re crying according to the tonic solfa I contracted a composer to write.” 😂
    It’ll really be melodious.

    Nice one.👍

    Liked by 4 people

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  10. Creating a panic in the middle of the sea isn’t a bad idea 😂… Not scared of death itself but the thought of dying scares me.. I love this writeup … Something serious yet funny

    Liked by 6 people

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