A Dying Wish

Death is something we all have in common, but few of us like to think about it or discuss it openly. The thing about death is, unlike mishaps and accidents, it doesn’t miss. It will happen, maybe even sooner than you think. I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. With that in mind, you really should start making preparations so that your kids don’t ruin the funeral.

What do you feel when you’re on the verge of dying? Peace, fear, anguish? I know I’m going out with a smile. When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi so that people will visit me more often, who knows, some might remember to bring flowers. Heck, feel free to have a picnic or throw a small party on my grave. There’s no disrespect involved, between us, we both know I’m not in there anymore.

You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. For his dying wish, Chris called Jerry to deliver an urgent message. He had a special request from his old pal. Chris asked Jerry to make sure that he is cremated, put it in an envelope, and sent it to the Internal Revenue Service. Jerry is bemused. “Why? he asks”. “Well Jerry, they’ve so taxed and taxed me, they might as well tax my remains”.

A long overdue family reunion. A story of a man with his wife and kids not on speaking terms with each other. For his dying wish, he requested that they all had a family retreat to honor his death. He left clues in the different events he mapped out to remind them of all the fun experiences they had growing up. It worked a treat. They actually started talking to each other as opposed to using sign language.

Personally, I’d opt for something a bit less ordinary. The retreat will be replaced with a yacht cruise and my eldest will be charged with the responsibility of pouring my ashes into the ocean. For the twist, the captain will be instructed to shut down the engine in the middle of the sea and create panic. You know, just to see which one of them openly curses me.

Renewed hostilities. Mark and Dave weren’t on speaking terms with each other over an agelong squabble. They decided to make up because Mark was in a bad spot, about to go under the knife with a 50:50 chance of survival. After a long conversation and a few tears, they made up. Just as they were about to wheel Mark into the theatre, he turns to Dave and goes, “On the off chance I don’t die, we’re still quarreling!”

Near-death. I can already picture it. Lying there on my death bed, admonishing my household before I set sail. Everyone is dressed in sackcloth per my requirements. Also, if your head isn’t shaven, there will be orders to not let you in. I look to where my youngest is standing and go, “You clearly aren’t doing enough crying for my liking”. It’s a wail fest. They’re crying according to the tonic solfa I contracted a composer to write.

The letter. Of course, I’ll leave them a letter to be read two weeks after I flee. To my oldest, you’ve always been very silly growing up, but since I’m dying I might as well say a few nice words to you. “Get some help man, seriously”. You lot should battle each other for my properties. May the best kid win. To my loving wife who endured me all these years. If I were to come back to this world again…

I’ll marry a chiropractor instead.

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved

496 thoughts on “A Dying Wish

      1. There are a few I wouldn’t mind doing that to, but overall, I just want to live in peace far away from humans. And not in the U.S., where men think it’s their right to murder animals just for the sake of doing so.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Me too – already in this life I’m done with humans!

      It’s bizarre to explain but I grieve much differently with people and loved ones I’ve lost than my pets and four legged best friends. It’s weird and possibly because I have spent so long working with people at their end of life and tend to be much more used to that for want of a better way of putting it.

      The last dog I lost broke my heart. I bawled like a little girl – huge physically painful sobs I didn’t realise were happening until I heard myself it was horrible. The only thing that makes me reluctant to bring a new friend into my life. I can’t handle the day I know will come and dread from day one.

      Someone once said that willingness to open ourselves up to inevitable heartbreak through loss of a dog is a pure, true act of friendship because we go into it knowing that day will come. I’m not sure it’s a sign of of purity, kindness or friendship . I think we’re just batshit.

      My only hope is that when I leave this planet I’m met at the other end by all the dogs (and horses) loved and lost and they can show me around and we’ll hang out until everyone catches up. The scene from β€œWhat Dreams May Come” where Chris is met by Katie is kind of what my idea of real Heaven only I’ll be met and crushed by so many daft dogs I’ll die over and over again for all eternity.

      Sounds good to me but I’d need to find a way of getting a message to my husband and kids β€œArrived safe and well in Heaven but died x 354 already due to all the dogs excitedly greeting me on arrival. If I’m not around when you get here don’t worry I’ll catch up. Probably just died again and have re-spawned randomly off course”

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Haha, that makes three of us 😁

        The shock when you hear weird crying only to realize it’s you πŸ˜‚. I think we’re batshit.

        Dog heaven it is 😁😁😁

        You’ll be back on earth as a hamster soon enough

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Very possibly!! I just found old photos and clips of our last two hamsters on my hard drive. Imagine Frisbee pottering around looking for hidden blueberries and cursing me out for not finding a suitably peaceful resting place. We buried him in a small corner of the pony paddock underneath a little tree and on my life, one morning we got there to find the horse had pawed and uprooted the chocolate tin he was inside and just kicked it right up against the fence. Savage

        God forgive me I laughed so hard I felt sick but the lid was intact so he came home and was buried underneath the wisteria – with a huge and heavy ceramic toadstool on top to keep the dogs from getting at him a second time.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Hahaha, I’m actually creasing.

        Good on you for taking the pains of redoing the burial rites. Poor hamster just wanted to rest peacefully! 🀣🀣🀣🀣

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I certainly understand your reluctance to have another furry family member, but we have a number of rescue kitties … once there were ten, now only five. Each holds a special place in our hearts and I always think that the amount of pure joy they gave us far outweighed the grief when it was time to say “good-bye”. There is a saying, “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

        Liked by 3 people

  1. There’s a time I used to feel bothered dying or quite uneasy about the thoughts of death with a close person in view but not anymore.

    Maybe the fact that I never got to see my Mom after she passed dealt differently with me.

    Then again, this post features some of the very dramatic stuff I’d want at my funeral like my voice on a phone call telling someone I’m only dead for a minute.

    Great content. You don’t have the capacity to disappoint.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think the loss of a loved one ultimately kills that fear cause you live everyday with the hope of one day reuniting with them.

      Haha, the dramatic phone call will do wonders for the atmosphere 😁😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah right. I remember how tensed everything felt after someone I knew was reported dead or I attended a burial. All of those disappeared after Mom passed. Maybe, seeing her would’ve affected me less negatively.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol the first few lines were quite scary until I read the whole content, Lol true everyone must die one day but there’s this side that saddens anyone for the moment when the news is heard.

    Liked by 3 people

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