Why Women Live Longer

~ Gottfried

Everywhere in the world women live longer than men. Historically, men started smoking earlier and heavier than women. As a matter of knowledge, any effect of smoking on life expectancy shows in males first. Now, why did man ever feel the need to smoke a cigarette? What, or more appropriately, who was stressing him out that much? Take a wild guess. Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.

Healthy feeding habits. Cooking is a survival instinct and some brothers just haven’t got a hang of it. So you don’t like your own cooking. As a consequence of this, on some days you have oxygen and silence for dinner. The lady on the other end of the spectrum with a bowl of vegetables will surely outlive you. It’s not far fetched. Of course, this is bar a few psychos who wake up at 2 am to eat starch and cancel out the good work.

Spending. Every time I spend money, I lose a little blood. We’ve been paying for dates for so long, this shit needs to stop. You pay for her transport to and fro too! Daylight robbery! Chasing women is actually a ridiculous sport. I absolutely do not recommend it. It ends in sorrow and anguish. If you could see the splurge of cash these ladies have in their bank accounts, you will think twice before parting with your hard-earned money. The money they always need urgently.

Daring. You see with men, they always think, “Oh here’s a stupid idea, how can we make it a lot more stupid?”. Because frankly there’s no explanation as to why you’re jumping through a roof on a broom hoping to land safely in the artificial pool you created. Most times, the stupid doesn’t come from one source, it’s the mates egging you on that should ultimately be blamed. The most daring thing women ever do is block you across all social platforms.

Crying. Women cry. A lot. I mean this is the most obvious of the lot. Women will always find a reason to cry. Happy? Cry. Excited? Cry. Sad? Cry. The one that pisses me off is ladies that cry at proposals! Why are you crying? If you don’t dry those eyes and go collect that ring! What’s wrong with you for God’s sake? Did dust particles find their way into your eyes? Ladies, please fix-up. If he proposes to you and it comes as a surprise, I can only assume that you’re most likely blind, or very slow, or both.

Pain. Women have unlocked hidden thresholds to pain. They go through labor and childbirth. It’s almost like they’ve already tasted death. And as a reward, they get to stay at home to take care of the kids. And some women have the nerve to say that being a mom is the most difficult job in the world. To that I say, any job you can do in your pajamas is not a real job. All they do at home is watch their favorite TV shows and send the kids to bed early on some trumped-up charges.

Rocket science. Men are biologically and sociologically at a disadvantage from the time they’re conceived to the time they die. It’s also no secret that women take better care of their health. Men often deny illness.  They minimize symptoms because they don’t want to go to a doctor and find out something is wrong. You suspect you’ve got AIDS, it’s time to come to terms with it. You might be lucky, it could just be good old syphilis.

Ultimately, the reason women live longer is that they stress the men to death. Complaining nonstop about being stressed themselves. As soon as a woman comes into your life, you immediately start losing hair. Know what else causes hair loss? Cancer, that’s what. I’ve never seen or heard of a man that got his edges back from a new relationship. Matter of fact, you’re lucky if all you lose is hair. And those men who are lucky to escape the stress of a woman…

still die of natural causes

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

488 thoughts on “Why Women Live Longer”

  1. The one on spending got me laughing hard🤣🤣🤣 chasing women is truly a hard but interesting sport🥺

    There is a dimension of love that makes spending on women easy, but who broke your heart???🤣

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          1. This is my first time on your blog and I definitely want to visit again. Thank you for capturing my attention 👌🏻 I’m tempted to write my on version, but no… I live to fight another day😌

            Liked by 2 people

  2. But then again a woman multiplies, we make beautiful beautiful… Find you a good woman and she will make you wealthier, find you a better woman and she will give you peace, but find you a godly woman, who doesn’t nag and you will live a long prosperous and fulfilling life!!!🌹

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    4. It’s because at puberty the girl dies and the woman begins to be born. That shaves off 11-13 years right there. They get to start over. Men just get bigger… well, unless of course we self-induce rites of passage… ya know like practicing the power of our side kick with the chipper. Turn it off? Nah, I’m effin fast! Here, hold my beer. Watch this!

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  6. Hmmm….that’s some take on women….it’s like comparing an ECG with plain horizontal line against the sinus rhythm….there’re sighs…there’s sign…there’s a hit of sin as well…there’s an I too…and there’s a clear us….there’s a beat….you know which one is woman, right?….that’s just pov 😉

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  10. you left out the part where men find it satisfying to play gun video game and eventually end on war front lines

    As always nice twisted piece at least you wount die early because you write now we have more years to be entertained cheers

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