The Seven Magic Sentences

~ Gottfried

It worked.  “You sure?” to which the response is always, “Yeah damn right I’m sure”. Half the time things work for me, I can’t help but think I’m lucky it worked because I’d have looked really stupid if it didn’t. And if it didn’t work, the only excuse I’d have is that it worked in my head. Everything works out in the end, if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it’s not the end. This doesn’t apply to marriages though, if it’s not working, you should definitely get a fourth wife.

Get out! “What? Are you being serious? I didn’t even see anything!” Sometimes you just need to get out of your own way. I still feel my boss gets a bit dramatic with it when a department is underperforming. Screaming at the top of your lungs won’t dramatically increase productivity. Sometimes just fire a few people, make things interesting. Nobody knows who’s gonna get the boot next. If you don’t get out of your shell, you are just a nut. In a nutshell, if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Did you take out the trash? “Oh shit”. Ah, I’m sorry mom but the roaches have taken over the kitchen. I had to take out the trash but I never did. It’s the leading cause of arguments between parents and kids these days. One party can’t fathom how the other can live with the stench, the other just doesn’t get why it’s such a big deal. What kids don’t realize is that taking out the trash is a life lesson. It’s why a lot of them still have friends they’re not proud of. It’s never too late to take out the trash unless you live in a bin.

Turn in your paper. As soon as you hear these magic words, your palms become sweaty and your sweat starts to sweat. For some, their brains stop working and they are enveloped by panic. You look down at your script and you know even if your Professor was drunk, there’s still no hope. And then the day comes for the test results to be shared. If your scoresheet is handed to you half folded, you just know that your village people have won, because ain’t no way you did great on the test.

I do. “You do what, drugs?” Whatever I do, I do it because I want to do it and because it’s 100% completely me. I’m not a competitor, I do it strictly for me. Every weekend, I do what I love the most, absolutely nothing. If I tell you I need you, do not take it lightly. I do everything I can to not depend on anyone, to never show weakness.  And if I say that I need you, I am trusting you to catch me if I fall. If your hands are made out of jelly, you just ruined things for the next person.

Get off me. “Dude, we’re wrestling, it’s what I’m supposed to be doing”. Trying to give this lady CPR and she wakes up screaming that she’d much rather die. We live in perilous times. I’d have used a breath mint, but it was 2 in the morning. Maybe if you get off your high horse and stopped thinking the world revolved around you, people would care what you felt. I know I’m a bit crazy, and that’s all part of my charm. If you don’t like it, then get off my unicorn.

Are you hungry? “I’m always hungry”. Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.  Food is a romantic gesture, it is symbolic of love when words are inadequate. If you’ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it. I’m always hungry, or tired, or both. I feel like however I die, my last words are going to be, “But I’m still hungry”. Are you hungry for attention, craving success, longing for intimacy? Be aware of your weaknesses. Bring them to God…

Before satan brings them to you

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

386 thoughts on “The Seven Magic Sentences”

  1. I learnt about taking out the trash out of your life. I dont live in a bin though. Lol. Your good with words as well a greater teacher. I appreciate your kind.

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  3. If I tell you I need you, do not take it lightly. I do everything I can to not depend on anyone, to never show weakness ,
    Theese lines describe me 😄😄😄
    Loved it as always

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  5. The devil knows how to bring an enticing meal. The hunger gets intense like it has been tuned. But for the sake of peace, hunger it is✌🏿

    Lot of jello hands have made put one in a wheelchair. How many more bones have to be broken???

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      1. Irresistible with so many side dishes…that’s before you have a taste though. After few bites, then comes trouble.

        I don’t think it ever ends. Only if luck is on your side though…..But it’s quite crazy when you a putting yourself down as a culture for thesame experiment to be performed on knowing fully well there’s 99% chance it yields the same results.

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          1. 😂😂
            I hope your congregation have “fat pocket” because I don’t like small offerings ooh. After each sentence, we’ll have a break for offering processions 😁😁

            Yeeah, a big flaw that got crooked from the onset. The big man could have just scrap human’s existence when it failed from the beginning.

            A bald eagle😂😂…..Existing somewhere like in the Sahara Desert, we can’t allow that baldness to go to waste.

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          3. Ooooh….
            I love this kind of congregation😁😁😁.
            “Can I get a yeah, yeah from the back!!”..oooh, I can’t hear it📢…….

            Wow, like that eagle in “Ice Age”?…. Tropical or not? As I said, such baldness thrives better in arid regions.

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  8. Funny post as always. A 4th wife might not be a good idea. Bosses tend to yell. We all want free food, but its hard to find theses days. I do enjoy your posts.

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