Romanticizing Heartbreak

Love is only made more valuable by the risk of heartbreak. My last breakup was due to religious differences. I thought I was God, she didn’t. To be fair, I very rarely make mistakes, I date them. Why do they call it a crush? Because that’s how you feel when they don’t feel the same way in return. It’s okay to be sad after making the right decision. If you have to beg someone to be in your life, then they shouldn’t be there. So there you go, can’t make a wife out of a hoe.

If someone breaks your heart, punch them in the face. No seriously, punch them in the face, or pay someone to do it for you. And when you’re done, go get yourself two scoops of ice cream. Remember, two scoops. And please, stop expecting loyalty from people that can’t give honesty. It’s still a mystery how our hearts can get hurt by something we’ve seen coming. You know, it’s funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

Heartbreak is funny to everyone but the heartbroken. What do you mean the music I’m playing reminds you of her? It’s Don Moen for Pete’s sake! Also are you sure if the empty feeling you feel is heartbreak or you’re just hungry? A broken heart builds character. It’s just the growing pains necessary so that you can love more completely when the real thing comes along. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectation. When you can tell your story and it doesn’t make you cry, you know you have healed. I was your cure, and you were my disease. I was saving you, but you were killing me. You can’t save him sweetie, he likes being lost. Music teachers can either inspire you or make you resent your instrument and parents in your early years. Don’t ask me how I know. Break ups aren’t always meant for make ups. Sometimes relationships end in order for you to wake up.

True heartbreak. Real heartbreak used to be your favorite team conceding a goal in the final minute of a match and ending up losing. Now I can watch teams hit my team for six without even flinching. After you, hell should be easy. All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips. The way my heart fell when I realized I had been conned. Heartbreak is feeling special until you realize they talk to everyone like that. Now you have feelings to unpack.

The heart is a muscle. So it can’t even break. What muscles do when they’re torn is that they grow back stronger. Now, why do people say they have heartbreak when they should be saying that their hearts have been torn to pieces? It sounds a lot more dramatic when you say it like that. Better yet, say that your heart has been ripped to shreds. Dear heartbroken friend, this too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake. If I ever broke your heart, good for you! I wasn’t always heartless, I just started using my heart less. On the bright side, you are one heartbreak closer to being with the person you are meant to be with, and that is Master Jesus. If your heart was really broken, you’d be dead. So shut up already! With you, I’d go to the end of the world…

And leave you there

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