Begging

Always be well dressed, even when begging. If you’re going to visit my home to ask for a loan, kindly look the part. Show up in a tuxedo so that I know you’re serious about repaying. If you show up in torn clothes, I’m not even going to chuck any change at you. You’ve clearly become a security risk. It does help if you also smell nice, if it’s not too much to ask. And brush your teeth too. Too much? Okay, just use breath mints.

Instead of begging for a seat, build your own table. Even a dog some day will stop begging and go out to hustle. Never stand begging for which you have the power to earn. Unless it’s the rest of your inheritance. Don’t be needy, be wanty. If you are family, stop asking if you can borrow money. We both know you won’t pay back so stop with the empty promises. It does help though if you initiate contact a week before. Yunno, just find out how I’m doing.

I’m just a person standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut. I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money. It’s amazing that no matter how much money you have, you can make some bad decisions, and in five months you’re on the street, begging. Which is why I encourage gambling. So you never have too much money in the first place.

I don’t need to lie. But, sometimes, I like to give the truth an extreme makeover. You want to go out, and you know your parents don’t want you to go out. Think. It’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for their permission. Also, don’t cry and beg when you’re getting beat afterwards. Instead, think about the fun times you had on your rebellious outing and take it all in like a champ. You’ve earned it.

I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at. I work only for money. If you want loyalty, hire a dog. I’m almost a millionaire, I have all the zeros, I just need a one. The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money. Don’t play with my money. You play with my life when you play with my money. This will be the last time you think something is funny.

Never beg someone to stay in your life. People don’t leave from where they truly want to be. Am I free tomorrow? No, tomorrow I’m still expensive. Everyone thinks I should be begging for my job back. Jokers, it’s everyone else who’s going to be begging me for their job back after I torch the office building. I mean, they can now all work from home like they always dreamed. Shame about the vault in the basement where all the cash is kept.

You cannot hold your head high with your hand out. As a beggar, if you don’t have anything good to say, say something funny. It works like a charm. I wouldn’t make it as a beggar, my smart mouth will always gets me in trouble and leave me penniless. And if it’s not my mouth, its my facial expressions. If you saw a man drowning and you could either save him or photograph the event…

what kind of filter would you use?

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