The Joys of Motherhood

~ Gottfried

Moms stay up all night overthinking about their children. A job nobody asked them to do but they brought it upon themselves anyways. What’s worse is that moms get upset that we don’t appreciate the fact that they do this. Like it is somehow our fault. And you know they mean well, they’re just going about it in the most sentimental guilt-edged way possible.

Moms used to have functioning brain cells, but they traded them for children. I know a few who would rather have their brain cells back, but unfortunately it’s too late. The good news is that they get special super powers after having kids. Only moms know which way to slice a sandwich so the flavor doesn’t leak out.

Motherhood is an experiment on how long your body can function without adequate sleep or nourishment and fueled only on adrenaline, caffeine and baby smiles. You watch them in the labor room and you think maybe they’ll learn a lesson or two, but before long they’re back again sometimes three or four times. Mothers are to babies what crack is to addicts. Inseparable.

A good mom is a myth. Because a good mom has bad days and great days. And perfect days. And trying days. And Supermom days. And just being a mom days. And murderous days. And a whole lot of love days. And smother the kids until they can barely breathe days. And batshit crazy motherhood days. If you ever breakdown in tears wondering if you’re doing enough for your kids, you probably are. If you can’t cry, you’re not mom. You’re a correctional officer.

Being a mom means having to choose between eating, showering or sleeping. You can’t do all three in one day. And since we’re not encouraging dirty behavior, I’m afraid you might lose some sleep during the day. It’s all for the greater good. Working mothers are guinea pigs in the scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. Every once in a while if you catch your mom just staring at you, be very careful about what you do next. Because she’s plotting. When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that when you eventually come home after a long day, someone in the house is happy to see you.

Everything I learned, I know from my mom. Religion. Pray that when I get back, I’m in a better mood. Logic. Because I said so, that’s why. Irony. Keep crying, I’ll give you something to cry about. Receiving. You’re going to get it when you get home. Medical science. If you keep pressing your phone, you’ll fall sick. Stamina. You sit there and finish your food or else! The biggest joy of motherhood remains watching your kids grow…

to look exactly like their dad. They don’t even get your nose or something

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

154 thoughts on “The Joys of Motherhood”

  3. This is a remarkable article. It’s so true when I saw a comment saying about mothers being stressed and yet want more babies. I still wonder how they enjoy so much stress like those

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  5. The greatest joy of motherhood is to become a grandmother. Then you get to watch the grandkids put their parents through the same hell you went through and more. It’s a most enjoyable activity.

    Liked by 8 people

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  6. “Moms used to have functioning brain cells, but they traded them for children” They still have them but use them differently.

    Oh, and by the way, not only does the children looks like him but act like him too. 😀

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      1. Which part? The They still have them but use them differently.

        Oh, and by the way, not only does the children looks like him but act like him too”

        No, I would say not. You simply send the children to him. 🙂

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          1. I didn’t cope with them when they were acting like their father. I sent them to him and I went away and came back home when they were acting like me again. 🤣🤣, No, I am just I’m kidding. I lectured them and their father for hours on the end about bad behavior and how it’s good to be nice. I talked and nagged so much they all wanted me to go someplace and leave them alone. 🤣

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  7. Well, I was proud of my. Mothering. I was the correctional officer keen on rehabilitation techniques which I contracted out and had to take myself since I was going to pay for it either way.

    Then I saw Last Chance Harvey. “Not now, Mother,” sounded too much like me. I tried calling less often. At least I was far away enough to justify concern. And I was doing okay, I thought until I saw another mother movie. The Meddler.

    Then I wept. A bit. May just have been sticks in my eyes. I thought I was helping!

    But I concur. They got everything from their father. Noses most particularly.
    Their complexity, stubborness. brains, and musical leanings, all his, hair even, but they have my heart. I don’t care about their noses. I want good hearts.

    If they make it through the first 25 to 30 years, they are going to be fine. Me too. My eldest turned 40. Mortified she was. At 9 she told me I could die when I turned 50. I would be redundant then. I’m 71. She’s still falling asleep with her head in my lap. Motherhood isn’t an optional extra marriage comes with. It’s a life sentence and some of us a daft enough to want the sentence.
    Teenagers can kill you without trying. And babies will have you sleeping on the floor behind your desk at lunch hour. Maybe it is an experiment to test how far one will go without inflicting threats of murder at an unhealthy volume. You end up with kids who have impaired hearing. In retrospect I should have whispered.
    Thanks, as always. Blessings and good things.

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          1. Ha Ha! I don’t know about awesomeness, but it’s a super power of sorts, but it mostly means I can’t tell if you are being satirical or just lovely. I go with the lovely, but sometimes it gets me egg on my face. It’s an old face, and I quite like egg. Anyway, you remain my favourite read. 😍

            Liked by 2 people

  8. Great post Gottfried. Did you make this for me?
    😂
    Probs is once a mom, always a mom..
    you should see how i treat my cats/.
    ha

    ‘Moms used to have functioning brain cells, but they traded them for children. I know a few who would rather have their brain cells back, but unfortunately it’s too late.’

    Liked by 3 people

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  10. Raise a glass to all the mothers in the world, c’mon dey deserve it. Buh Y are fathers not celebrated as much as mothers, abi dem no follow 🤔

    Liked by 4 people

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