Murderous

~ Gottfried

Don’t judge me because I’m quiet. No one plans a murder out loud. I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times. Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. Marriage is sharing a home with a person most likely to murder you.

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs. Murder is always a mistake. You should never do anything you can’t talk about after dinner. Good friends will mourn your death. Best friends will come and clear your browser history immediately after you die.

It’s only murder if they find the body, otherwise it’s a missing person. Just a thought. I choose sarcasm because murder charges are expensive. For a marriage to be successful, both parties must have entertained the thought of killing each other at least once. True love is violent and unforgiving.

At my age, I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there, I carry on as usual. The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything into perspective. If you’re having difficulty concentrating, focus the little energy you have into placing your name on death row.

The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.9% of them are made by people who are still alive. How can the dead truly be dead when they still live in the souls of those who are left behind? If you really deep in, we are all the walking dead. Zombies eat brains. Don’t worry, you’re safe.

Reasons I haven’t committed murder today. Number one I don’t want to go to prison. Number two…actually that’s all I’ve got. I feel a spree coming on. It’s either a shopping one or a killing one. The choice is totally up to you. Be happy in front of your haters. It kills them slowly.

That cold ain’t the weather. There’s death approaching. Kill them with kindness. If someone makes you angry take a deep breath, count to ten, and kill him immediately. When a woman starts laughing during an argument, she has flipped her psycho switch and she’s about to murder you. Don’t run.

You’re not a coward

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

124 thoughts on “Murderous”

  1. HeHe As A Wise and
    Very “Interesting Man”

    Once Said “It’s Never too
    Early to Beef Up Your Obituary”
    As Long As You Drink A Beer First

    Or in my
    Case Just
    BeeF IT Up HAha

    Note i Sang That
    With A Blood Curdling Scream Hehe…

    Other Than That Happy Halloween ACRoSS
    ‘The BIG

    Pond’

    Mr.
    Gottfried
    With SMiLES..:)

    Liked by 7 people

    Reply

      1. HeHE A Road to
        Infamous Seems
        To Be Wide Open
        And Even Most
        Popular in Some
        “Coliseum’s”
        Of American
        Politics There
        Is No Bottom
        Limits Of The
        Highway To Hell
        Again Happy Halloween

        Mr. Gottfried

        All Saints
        Day Comes Next 😇

        Liked by 3 people

        Reply

      1. whenever we have these bad thoughts in our heads ( about death and stuffs like that i believe yes partially it is our fault that we are giving our energies to these bad thought but then none of us really do it ourselves .. its not our fault .. nobody and why would anybody want to welcome these sort of thinking ! we should try and think about babies rather … I would like to share a very happy healthy instance that took place with me today and I were just so pumped us with emotional positive bright light feels and it was when I was my the terrace doing my routine yoga and there I found this little baby girl who lives like very far but at a nearby building and she kept waving back at me . AT some she smiles back at me from her balcony then and at some from her room’s window . Then yes we were just enjoying ourselves doing so of this back and forth ! hence from this baby little , I learnt how life nor neither death are to be thought about or known … when we were here for the first time we as babies knew nothing … what’s life ? What’s death? what is keeping us alive ? what will give us peace worthy death but ? life was given to us, and why ? so we live it ! life is and will always be in those baby spirits … nobody has the right to take away that feeling of living from them .

        Liked by 2 people

        Reply

Leave a reply to katiemiafrederick Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.