Due Credit

Beauty is in the eye of the credit card holder. It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. The world is divided into people who do things, and people who get the credit. Choose carefully what side of history you want to be on.

I did my Christmas shopping on credit, the debit alerts wouldn’t hit until the new year. Fun is the cash coin of happiness; everything else is credit cards. Saying women aren’t funny is now like saying Asians can’t drive or saying black people have bad credit. It’s all very true.

You might be flexing on Instagram but Jesus and I know your credit score. You can’t fool me, I am familiar with your game. Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice. This probably explains why I’m humble.

One day my wife’s credit card got stolen…what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife. A man asked a fairy to make him desirable and irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.

Procrastination is like a credit card. It’s a lot of fun until you get the bill. Women only take credit for the first nine months, after that, they blame everything else on the father. I’ll give credit when it’s due. But I’m not going to applaud a fish for swimming. Can it twerk?

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it. Saving is a very fine thing especially if your parents have done it for you. I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card. All my genuine interests cost an arm and a leg.

Nobody tells a better story than someone wanting to borrow money. What do you mean you slipped and fell into a two hundred dollar debt? Merry Christmas, I hope your smile will be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas. Dear Santa, Just leave your credit card.

I’ve been naughty and nice

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