Losing My Mind

I’m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be okay. I’m not getting old. I just can’t remember stuff because my brain is full. I need to let go of everyone’s secrets so I can make some room. I’ll be hosting a podcast soon where I will bare it. My bribes start at $59.99.

Women want us to be mind readers. How am I supposed to tell what you’re thinking? Isn’t this a sign that you might have lost your damn mind? It took me all this time to lose my mind. What on earth made you think I would be remotely interested in trying to piece yours.

I finally lost my mind. If you find it, don’t bother to return it. It wasn’t working properly anyway. I’m off to get myself a new mind from Walmart. As you get older three things happen. The first is that your memory goes. I can’t remember the other two. Memory loss is a way of coping with damage. If you can’t remember, it’s for your own good.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. I wish losing weight was as easy as losing my keys, pen, cellphone, my temper and even my mind. Not only is my short-term memory horrible, but so is my short-term memory. A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.

I learn something new everyday. And forget five things forever. It’s the 5:1 rule. Stop trying to learn new tricks, you’re an old dog. I find that it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won’t do now; Things I won’t do later and Things I’ll never do. It helps put everything in perspective.

I take forgetfulness in a positive stride because I also forget the problems. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well. I told you that I do not have Alzheimer’s. I have “Some-timers”. Sometimes I remember and sometimes I don’t. You’re only as old as you think says the person with dementia.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. In the universities, somehow the faces are longer; maybe it’s the weight of knowledge or something. Ignorance truly is the key to unlocking true bliss. I’ve lost my mind. If found handle with extreme caution. It may be dirty and is definitely dangerous. Feed your mind. Whatever your problem is…

The answer is not in the fridge

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