How to excel at being a Killjoy

Being a killjoy is taking a responsible adult approach to everyone else’s chaotic fun. I love listening to lies when I know the truth. Being adamant that you didn’t leave your phone lying around carelessly and now we’re looking for it, even though it’s been in my pocket this entire time. 

My social battery doesn’t even come with a charging cable. I just find myself experiencing random bursts of untraceable energy which I use to get by. And so even though I will invite you to retell your story a third time, there is no guarantee that I’ll pay attention this time. 

What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me. You went over the speed limit, speakers on full blast and I’m supposed to be grateful you narrowly escaped destruction? Unless something happens to you, the next generation won’t believe us when we say actions have consequences. 

The absolute worst torture is watching a room full of otherwise functioning adults convince themselves that they are having a good time. They laugh, share nostalgic memories, and buy rounds of drinks as if inflation isn’t actively dismantling their disposable income.

The crowd will tell you that love, friendship, and banter conquer all. But let’s be honest, love conquers all except poverty, toothache, and a sudden 3:00 AM existential crisis. If you ever left the house and debated if you left the windows up, you’re going home to a drenched room. 

I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. People say I wouldn’t wish certain things on their worst enemy but they can absolutely have this one. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. To keep warm…

Set them on fire instead. 

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved