Marriage is a conscious decision to find someone who supposedly gives you peace of mind, happiness and then committing to them. Right? Right? Wrong! It is finding that one person whose bullshit you’re willing to cope with for the rest of your life. FYI you’re free to quote me, I don’t have bags of experience to fall back on. Heck, I don’t even know anything about marriage, but educate you I must!
Anywho, before you do get married, there are a number of questions you need to ask your spouse to be. To hell with genotype tests and rhesus compatibility. All of that is irrelevant stuff in the grand scheme of things. I mean, all that “if you marry a cousin, your offspring will most likely have genetic disorders” is pure garbage and frankly baseless, right? By all means, do what makes you happy and keeps you out of jail.
Fellas, we have to ask the real questions. First of all, ask her what TV programs she enjoys? If she says Telemundo and Telenovela, I’ve got bad news for you chief! There’s no coming back to her. There’s no way she’s going to juggle being an excellent wife and mother to your kids and watch that stuff. It just doesn’t mix. Your baby is sat there hungry and crying and the love of your life is dancing Bharatanatyam in the sitting room. Tragic
Ladies, don’t ask him if he snores, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with snoring. The simple remedy is to buy earmuffs and you’re good. But, hear me out, if he farts in his sleep, by god you gotta reconsider the whole thing. I mean this man is trying to deprive you of life! Baby girl run! He can fart and the air conditioner stops functioning properly! What now?
Another important question which basically trumps the “kids or no kids” question is, “how do you like your plantain?” It will be difficult to comprehend the severity of this question till you’re in dire straits when you discover you’ve married a psychopath who loves overripe plantain and now your life is absolutely ruined. You can always get around the kids’ thing by adopting one, but you see this plantain issue, it has broken marriages. True story!
All the other stuff like peeing on the toilet seat, pressing the toothpaste from the middle or the tail end, and sleeping with the lights on or off are good shouts but there are bigger fish to fry. If your spouse-to-be prefers big onion slices rather than it being chopped into little bits, you’re in for a horrible time. Imagine Jollof rice is served and the pieces of onion on your plate are bigger than the pieces of meat? Where do we go from here? My dear, please call your mother!
Last but not least on the ever-growing list “White or brown bread” Now be careful about what kind of bread your spouse-to-be likes. You know that brown part of bread you usually throw away, they might like it! Or the first slice, some people would kill for that slice. Shocking! More shocking is the fact that some people like burnt toast. The people at the bakery didn’t do justice to the bread, so you set it on fire?
We’re not quite finished here
© Gottfried. All rights reserved.
Shoot?
Never mind. You already did
What?
You already said what you were going to say 😀
When
In the other comment thread about your blog?
I’m really not getting ur point gottfried
Sigh, you asked a question about your blog. Actually you asked TWO questions. I replied both!
Ok there’s lot of convo problem 😕
yeah.
Oh sry now I get it. I did not read whole convo properly
Better 😀
Yeah🙂
😀😀
But still not get about shoot!
When somebody wants to ask something and you say ‘shoot’ it means ‘go ahead’.
Ok. Very poor vocabulary right?
Not really. Different strokes…
Ya
😌
this blog post just made me laugh out loud 😂😂😂.
Haha, I’m glad it did 😁😁
Gottfried, anyone who consider any of the things except the Telemundo and Telenovela a problem are too immature to get married anyway. Your spouse can only B.S. you if you let them. 🙂
I promise you for some, these are actual problems. It’s the little things they say ☺️
Wow! I suspect they will land in divorce court before their first anniversary or end up one of those insane couples who drives everyone mad with their insanity .
It’s the insane couples that last the longest. The Joker and Harley Quinn combo 😂
You got a point there. Can’t deny that. I think it’s the melodrama that keeps their marriage interesting to each other and may God have mercy on any unfortunate soul who gets pulled into it.
Hopefully those deserving of tender loving don’t fall into that kind of bubble. Might ruin them in the long run
LOL! It’s best to run if they are your friends or neighbors. Lock the door and pretend you are not at home because no one encounters them and leave unscathed. LOL! The real life ones are as insane as the Joker and Harley Quinn.
Haha, you’re absolutely right
😂😂 this made me laugh!
Glad it did! 😁
It is finding that one person whose bullshit you’re willing to cope with for the rest of your life😂😂😂😂😂😂 why so true??!!!!! . Loved it as always . 👏👏😛
By the way I like the brown part of the bread and also the first slice😜😛😛 but over riped banana is a sin, I agree
Haha, heaven knows that’s all your partner does every day. Piss you off 😁😁
You’re a cultist dear 😂
Cultist???😂😂😂 I mean I look like one early in the morning !!! But😛😛
haha, so you see, you just confirmed!
Nice list of things to ask!
Haha, you gotta know
And who can be a better person than Gottfried
There’s no one like me 🤣🤣
Huh, I always thought marriage was finding someone who will put up with YOUR bullshit… 🤷🏻♀️
haha, you have to be willing to put up with theirs for it to work.
Good post! Look forward to seeing a new post of peaceful divorce 🤣🤣🤣
haha, I should defintely do that.
You missed the crucial info re: butter on toast. Does the person heap giant lumps of cold butter on toast or is he/she lightning quick at spreading the butter immediately so there’s no actual visible trace?
Cold butter people are the devil.
Haha, I’m inclined to agree with you on this one. They’re the devil
Lol. I really can’t stop laughing. Interesting write-up. That last paragraph is just the real me… Brown bread, burnt toast🙈 first and last slices are just my favorites. They give this kind of yummy and crispy taste. Ouuuchhh
Haha, look at you snitching on yourself
🥺👽
🥰😘