Marriage is a conscious decision to find someone who supposedly gives you peace of mind, happiness and then committing to them. Right? Right? Wrong! It is finding that one person whose bullshit you’re willing to cope with for the rest of your life. FYI you’re free to quote me, I don’t have bags of experience to fall back on. Heck, I don’t even know anything about marriage, but educate you I must!
Anywho, before you do get married, there are a number of questions you need to ask your spouse to be. To hell with genotype tests and rhesus compatibility. All of that is irrelevant stuff in the grand scheme of things. I mean, all that “if you marry a cousin, your offspring will most likely have genetic disorders” is pure garbage and frankly baseless, right? By all means, do what makes you happy and keeps you out of jail.
Fellas, we have to ask the real questions. First of all, ask her what TV programs she enjoys? If she says Telemundo and Telenovela, I’ve got bad news for you chief! There’s no coming back to her. There’s no way she’s going to juggle being an excellent wife and mother to your kids and watch that stuff. It just doesn’t mix. Your baby is sat there hungry and crying and the love of your life is dancing Bharatanatyam in the sitting room. Tragic
Ladies, don’t ask him if he snores, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with snoring. The simple remedy is to buy earmuffs and you’re good. But, hear me out, if he farts in his sleep, by god you gotta reconsider the whole thing. I mean this man is trying to deprive you of life! Baby girl run! He can fart and the air conditioner stops functioning properly! What now?
Another important question which basically trumps the “kids or no kids” question is, “how do you like your plantain?” It will be difficult to comprehend the severity of this question till you’re in dire straits when you discover you’ve married a psychopath who loves overripe plantain and now your life is absolutely ruined. You can always get around the kids’ thing by adopting one, but you see this plantain issue, it has broken marriages. True story!
All the other stuff like peeing on the toilet seat, pressing the toothpaste from the middle or the tail end, and sleeping with the lights on or off are good shouts but there are bigger fish to fry. If your spouse-to-be prefers big onion slices rather than it being chopped into little bits, you’re in for a horrible time. Imagine Jollof rice is served and the pieces of onion on your plate are bigger than the pieces of meat? Where do we go from here? My dear, please call your mother!
Last but not least on the ever-growing list “White or brown bread” Now be careful about what kind of bread your spouse-to-be likes. You know that brown part of bread you usually throw away, they might like it! Or the first slice, some people would kill for that slice. Shocking! More shocking is the fact that some people like burnt toast. The people at the bakery didn’t do justice to the bread, so you set it on fire?
We’re not quite finished here
ยฉ Gottfried. All rights reserved.
๐๐๐๐๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope you learned something Gerry ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
The humor you add in your writings are like a beautiful wrapper. When you open it, you find many meaningful delightsโค๏ธ Became a fan of you๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aww my heart. This is high praise. Love it.
What kind of fan are you though? Hand, standing or ceiling? ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
“What kind of fan are you though? Hand, standing or ceiling? ” – haha, if you haven’t asked me this, I would’ve been totally disappointed๐คฃThe exact reply I expected๐คญ๐คญ I prefer being a ‘Venchamaram’๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
hahaha, I’m glad I didn’t dissapoint. ๐คฃ
Venchamaram are so colorful and beautiful ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aww๐๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
๐๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
Then I couldn’t agree more. To ask that even if it’s worth getting married. I think I have the answer! Finally mine – because you also have to think about the price of divorce… ๐ And, say like that : โค NO!!! โค , it looks nice, isn't it ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, you must marry a real one to have that feeling in the first place ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
๐ Me ? I still remember the cost of divorce! ๐ Holy crap, that was like having a heart attack. That’s why I’m vaccinated. You don’t have a lot of heart attacks in your life… ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
hahaha, so you stay so you don’t lose the house? Clever ๐๐๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
๐ Are you kidding me? I ran away 1,000 miles, I paid, and I never play “I love you, let’s get married” again? ” ! ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha, a small price to pay for salvation ๐๐๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
๐ ๐ ๐ right !
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes sir! ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
Well, now you have warned everybody, now hopefully they may not come back and blame you.
Hilarious! ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, imagine coming back to blame me. What have I done wrong? ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s just a way of saying, now they know, so there’s no excuses. ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course, I got you ‘burning heart’ ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
As a married person, I absolutely agree with the first paragraph about being willing to put up with the other person’s BS! I’m not so sure about the rest of it, haha.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, please come and assure us of the rest ๐๐๐๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
You are amazing man,,๐ i want to learn from you,,please make me ur student ๐๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha feel free to join the family ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha cheers mate ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey, I like my toast well done/burnt. And I like a full slice of onion on my hamburger. So cancel the wedding plans!
———
Hey, you know why divorces cost so much?
Because they’re worth it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, honey we’ve made so much progress already! Can’t let onions get in the way? ๐
They’re worth it for only one side of the divide ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
Every single blog is ADORABLE AF๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Minal ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ur wlcm
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cheers.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Actually i have a que .where are u from?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nigeria, you?
LikeLiked by 2 people
India
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh cool!
LikeLiked by 2 people
No it’s really very hot๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha, I like you already! ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m talking about weather
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know!
LikeLiked by 2 people
๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
๐๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ok. Keep this aside I need help?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh sry I need help!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s okay, Minal!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How should I improve my blog writing?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll stop by your blog and leave you pointers, if that’s okay?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shoot!
LikeLiked by 1 person