Marriage is a conscious decision to find someone who supposedly gives you peace of mind, happiness and then committing to them. Right? Right? Wrong! It is finding that one person whose bullshit you’re willing to cope with for the rest of your life. FYI you’re free to quote me, I don’t have bags of experience to fall back on. Heck, I don’t even know anything about marriage, but educate you I must!
Anywho, before you do get married, there are a number of questions you need to ask your spouse to be. To hell with genotype tests and rhesus compatibility. All of that is irrelevant stuff in the grand scheme of things. I mean, all that “if you marry a cousin, your offspring will most likely have genetic disorders” is pure garbage and frankly baseless, right? By all means, do what makes you happy and keeps you out of jail.
Fellas, we have to ask the real questions. First of all, ask her what TV programs she enjoys? If she says Telemundo and Telenovela, I’ve got bad news for you chief! There’s no coming back to her. There’s no way she’s going to juggle being an excellent wife and mother to your kids and watch that stuff. It just doesn’t mix. Your baby is sat there hungry and crying and the love of your life is dancing Bharatanatyam in the sitting room. Tragic
Ladies, don’t ask him if he snores, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with snoring. The simple remedy is to buy earmuffs and you’re good. But, hear me out, if he farts in his sleep, by god you gotta reconsider the whole thing. I mean this man is trying to deprive you of life! Baby girl run! He can fart and the air conditioner stops functioning properly! What now?
Another important question which basically trumps the “kids or no kids” question is, “how do you like your plantain?” It will be difficult to comprehend the severity of this question till you’re in dire straits when you discover you’ve married a psychopath who loves overripe plantain and now your life is absolutely ruined. You can always get around the kids’ thing by adopting one, but you see this plantain issue, it has broken marriages. True story!
All the other stuff like peeing on the toilet seat, pressing the toothpaste from the middle or the tail end, and sleeping with the lights on or off are good shouts but there are bigger fish to fry. If your spouse-to-be prefers big onion slices rather than it being chopped into little bits, you’re in for a horrible time. Imagine Jollof rice is served and the pieces of onion on your plate are bigger than the pieces of meat? Where do we go from here? My dear, please call your mother!
Last but not least on the ever-growing list “White or brown bread” Now be careful about what kind of bread your spouse-to-be likes. You know that brown part of bread you usually throw away, they might like it! Or the first slice, some people would kill for that slice. Shocking! More shocking is the fact that some people like burnt toast. The people at the bakery didn’t do justice to the bread, so you set it on fire?
We’re not quite finished here
© Gottfried. All rights reserved.
As funny as this sounds , this is some scary stuff. How on earth Is she taking Telemundo as a hubby !!!! She even takes a step closer to “stupidity “ by having it downloaded on her phone and watching Em while I’m driving her to church . Hey sis there’s nowhere I’m not dropping you off . RABARABA!!!!
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Lmao why are you so angry?
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“We’re not quite finished here”… ARGH!
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Haha, I still have quite a lot more to add. Don’t blame me 😉
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no fault! I see you are preparing a real jewel of manuals! 😛
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I need people to stop diving head first into marriage and try using their feet 😉
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Uh! Ho fatto lunghe passeggiate prima di sposarmi, poi mi sono tuffata fuori 😀 😀 😀
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quindi non sei sposato e vivi la tua vita migliore?😉
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ahahahahah! non sono più sposata da tanto. Sulla mia vita migliore… quante risposte diverse vuoi? 😀
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Penso di averne avuto abbastanza. Grazie. Passa una bella serata.😘
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ahahah! It’s important to know the limits! 😘
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Of course 😊
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ciao ciao 🙂
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Byee 😄
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😛
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😉😄
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what happens to your site?
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What do you mean? 😏
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“page not found” on computer and telephone, I can only communicate from here, from the reader of the comments
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I’ll sort it out in a bit!
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ok, don’t worry me 😉
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Sure!
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😀
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😀😀
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I will not be able to read the next episode … sigh. how will I drink from the brook of wisdom? 😛 😛 😛
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You will. Relax
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🙂
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👍
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4 months after the launch of the post … what do you want to know exactly? 😃
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How old you are for starters
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And you?
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90
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is fantastic! I 80
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I should have guessed!
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I have a few less, but at my age it’s cooler to say I’m older 😉
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No shit 😂
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do you mean you want the real truth?😱
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No, no don’t want 😁
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luckily, I wouldn’t have thought what to invent 😉
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Sure
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do you walk alone?
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I’m a loner
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🙂
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😅
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my 12 granddaughters want me to pay a young Russian man, but I’m afraid she’ll want to marry me later … 🤔
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Oh wow
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(Gotfry, your dad took the lead here … I hope you get out of the basement soon …)
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Basement is where I belong
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a bunker?
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Yeah, remnants from the war
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😎
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☺️☺️
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Batman!
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Bruce Wayne
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Love it 🤣🤣
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Yay, I’m happy!
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That makes me happy 😊 ❤
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Aww, I’m going to get diabetes from all this sugar! 😚
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🤣🤣🤣Then I promise sugar free kisses 😘 💜
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haha, you’re the best 😘 💜
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Well sugar free has to be can’t have you get diabetes from all this sugar 🤣🤣 likewise love your the best too…lots of hugs and sugar free kisses 😘 💕
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You just went through the ranks and broke into my top 5 favorite people on here. 🤣🤣
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Now thats a honor 😘 your adorable 😍 thank you sweetheart….see kisses even sugar free ones go a long way…🤭😘❤
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Haha, it really be like that!! 😘❤
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My kisses can be sugar free although I am too sweet 🤭🤣🤣🤣💖🙈
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It’s really Glitzy Ritzy Mommy season! 🤭
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Always glitzy always ritzy full of sparkles love and sugar free kisses love 🤣🤣🤣💋💋😘
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Have a good day! 😘
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You too love 💘 thank you 😘
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No, thank you 😘
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Awwww… your too cute 😍 💕
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I know 😘
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😘😉
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😘😘
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Excellent questions. I think the dating sites and matrimony sites would love this input.😊 After all they are the ones who give you irrelevant genome and astrological matches. 😊😉
I love this post. 😁😎😅
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Haha, those astrological matches are especially annoying 😂😂😂😂
Glad you enjoyed it. Do have a lovely day 😁
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Now marriage sounds even scarier than before
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Be afraid, be very very afraid 😁
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😓😶😶😵😵😵
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Don’t worry, I trust you’ll hack the code. You’re the nicest person ever
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😧😧😧highly doubt that
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Hacking it or being nice?
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Both
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I think you’ll be fine 😊
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One can hope🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏
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Hope keeps you alive
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Ps- thanks for the vouch of confidence 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
You Da best 🤡
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I do my best 😘
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🤡👍😄💙💙💙
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😍😍😍😘
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Crazy.
I will never come to you for advice on marriage, no body should. 😆😆
Like this, nobody can ever be compatible. 😃
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Haha, there’s truth in your second statement. Nobody is compatible. You need love to survive
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Some great questions mate…..most of which we asked each other after getting married. We have a yearly review.
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That’s the way to go. A hands on approach does wonders for your relationship. People don’t know that marriage takes work. And you can’t let it run on autopilot
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Ppl do too much research beforehand….and that’s why their still stuck on the shelf. Trust in yourself to tolerate each other, be compassionate, compromise and forgive. Easy tips…but I appreciate there are some nasty peeps out there….for those in abusive marriages I pray for their wellbeing. 🙏
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It’s always the simple things. Not all these relationship gymnastics we see on TV. You couldn’t have said it any better. Those in abusive marriages should get out immediately in my opinion.
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Let me know when you’re getting married, I’ll fly out to attend, interview the lucky couple to see your match rating.
(Assumes he’ll get an invite. 😉)
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Haha, will do 😁😁😁
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Hmm, hilarious and entertaining. This shows u are not married😃.I switch the light on at night. If there is no light, I use touch. I mean I can’t sleep in the dark.😂😂
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Haha, how did I expose myself 😁😁
Because you’re a daughter of light 😉
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😂😂yeee
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I’m going to have you arrested blessing. For invasion of privacy (not a Cardi b album). 😁😂😂
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Haha😃😃, really, u are a comedian truly😅😅😅😅. Seriously, that occupation suit u😃😉
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Haha, I hear you 😉
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👍
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😅
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There is a madness in you that keeps your readers hooked. God, the brown Bread or the white bread thing got me thinking, damn!
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Haha, she called me a mad man 😭😭😭😭
Haha, you gotta think hard sweetie
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Haha. You’re a mad man for the purpose of good. I love your blogs.
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Haha, thank you sweetie. I love that you love them
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💖💖💖
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😘😘💞
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Hilarious and so very true!
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I’m glad you agree with me Nadia. Some people think I was over exaggerating 😂😂😂
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Oh I don’t! I’ve been observing my parents for 28 years and it really is the little things that could turn the household upside down – quite literally when it comes to the farts LOL
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Haha, you’ve been observing them like they’re guinea pigs 😂😂😂
Haha and I thought the fart part was going too far 😂
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