Excerpts from real-life events. This time I’m traveling. On one of my many cross country trips and as cupid would have it, I’m seated in the back, next to two other passengers, a young man and fair lady with skin like milk.
I had loaded my belly full with rice so I was prepped to sleep for as long as the good Lord would let me, but my ears had other plans. A few minutes in, she turns to my direction and asks if I have an extra earpiece since I’m blaring music loudly in my ear, I nod in disapproval and look away.
I miss the look of disgust on her face as she turns to the other guy who obliges, even offers to share the earpiece with her as they both settle for her “girl power” kind of music. Katy Perry for the win. I look at them and scoff to myself. “Kids”
After a while, the guy and the girl start talking. I overhear him ask her how old she was, but she wouldn’t give him a straightforward answer. Instead, she hit him with the age-old conversation killer, “guess”. In my mind I’m like if you bother guessing you’re an idiot, but what do I know? Right?
Time passes and we keep making stops because some people can’t hold their bladder. At this point, the driver is fed up and warns that he won’t be stopping anymore. Guess who’s luck ran out? No not me, I barely drink water on a trip. Mr lover boy over here needed to pee.
For some reason, they decide against getting the driver to stop and he’s doing his best to “be a man”. Tears are starting to well up in his eyes, so as a gentleman I offer him an empty can to pee in. He looks at me with eyes like “you must think I’m not very smart”. I was right.
He took the can and gestured to the girl to look away while he attempted to channel his energy into making an accurate shot. Such a shame, he’s shooting was off, and not only did he miss the can altogether, but I’m also convinced he definitely peed on her legs. She’s livid! I’m amused! The entire back seat is smelling like a urinary. God is great
The guy starts to apologize profusely. “It was not intentional, it spilled”. She’s not having any of it. I think to myself, today couldn’t get any better now, could it? I close my eyes and try to reconnect with my nap when I’m awoken to the bus swerving from one end of the road to the other. Apparently, the driver was napping too.
On the upside, following the drivers’ shenanigans, the two love birds find themselves in an embrace. The guy looks girl dead in the eye, offers a sincere apology and all is forgiven. All this time, people are hopping off at different stops. I get to my stop, convinced that once again, the universe has aligned. Hop down, open the boot to pick my bag and…It’s gone
Some idiot picked my luggage