If you’re into mind-boggling tales, you’re sure gonna love this one. I want to tell you the most nerve-wracking, compelling story ever written. Strap-on and join me on this journey of the most wanted man in the history of humanity, his name, Uche.

Like all excellent thieves, he started small. Stealing all the hearts of the ladies on the street, Uche was a natural. Did it help that there was a nursing school down the road? Maybe, but they still required a lot of wooing nonetheless.

So with a hearty laugh and an infectious smile, he worked his magic. A winning formula I must confess. Champion of the people, it was difficult not to like the man. Helped people out when their generators or cars developed faults in the estate, played ball with the kids, he was like a modern-day Gandhi, without the meditation.

So how did we get here? You know the sister of Contentment, no not Pleasure, the stubborn one in college, yeah Greed, that’s the one, Greed came into the picture. Uche lived in the boys quarters and maybe just maybe, when he removed the mask of cheerfulness before he slept at night, his discontent came out to play.

The estate had everything, from a gateman who sold groundnuts in old newspapers, to a full-blown “Tailors shop”. In the day, the estate was abuzz with activity. We’d sneak off every now and then to beg for freshly roasted groundouts, looking back, we just might have been the reason Akpan never broke even, but that’s a story for another day.

Uche, somewhere in his mid-twenties was amongst the retinue of tailors Aunty Ada kept locked up in the shop to slave all day. At least that’s what it looked like to me. Perhaps if someone paid attention to Uche when he spoke, hearing the ambition in his voice, what happens next wouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

After refusing to observe my siesta, and committing rather play soccer all day, I retire to my bed. My head had scarcely touched the pillow when I heard a cry!

“Everybody, come out oh! Come and see oh!”

“Thief oh! Thief oh!”

So many questions. Apparently, he was trying to roll the vehicle causally out of the gate, when the enemy of his soul, a certain man named Anayo spotted him and intercepted what would have been the greatest heist in all of Lord Emmanuel’s history.

He is greeted with a few slaps as the neighbors all join the party. I dunno whose idea it was, but in a flash, he was in his birthday suit, bound with ropes, hand, and foot. As the contents of the vehicle were unpacked, the crowd let out a collective sigh. At this point, I’m wondering, was he going to steal the vehicle too? Or is it a syndicate, surely this wasn’t a one-man plan?

The mob is content with their capture and they decide that the best way to go was to lead Uche out in a walk of shame, out of the estate, to the highway. Special guests in this gathering were the ladies from the nursing school. As he walked past, to the jeers and taunts, I couldn’t help but notice that his third leg was paying homage to the spectacle.

He’s handed over to the police, the mob retires. All in a day’s work. An early lesson on being a thief?

Don’t steal in your own neighborhood.

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

162 thoughts on “Rob-in-hood

  1. Lots and lots of comments, some liked by people other than myself, I have this Giant Bag of Pot here/now, I have many bottles of Vodka, I am as drunk as a skunk, so to speak, this is my World; I have this wonderful stove putting out Heat to keep me warm, I spent two weeks of my life to rebuild this old stove I had to drill like a thousand holes, The Welders did a perfect Job, and did not charge me .10 cents for that! So what the fuck is Magic? How does it work? When I needed wood for my Fire-Place there it was; in two days I had a Years worth of wood, I just dreamed. And it all just happened I do not know if I Prayed, i just had Faith; Faith that this Mother of Earth Loved me, when I remembered to Thank Her for Her many Gift’s to me; like that Spring Water flowing into my home, what a Blessing! It sings to me I play my drums to thank it…..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Β “The public turned out to be amazingly tolerant or, if you wish, indifferent … There had never been any need of this charade to have taken place. It had proven a monstrous waste of years of my life.” Should have stuck to being famous for music

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This was a very thought out piece of art, at least I though it was, and I am a thinker, and a Reader, I had to go to WAR with Medium, just to let me post my thoughts on New Authors……I am honest to my bones, I do not disparage any human Being, I just tell them :”Write More” do not get discouraged, have a Webster’s Dictionary Handy, think about those words you choose to use and then send them out for me to Read!

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Is that what I deserve, a one-word comment? I read every word, and I encourage writers, and of a matter of course, discourse; at least Lwbut engages in it with me…..From 10,000 miles away, as for you, you become as NO-Thing in my little book of Love and Sorrows…..

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Every day I wake up^ and find myself gasping for that FREE Air, that is a LOVELY Day, When I have to throw another log sacrifice into my fire, that is a Great Day. 10/29/1945 Today is my Birth-Day. I need to CHILL? I throw old, unread books into my Fire-Place, need I say more?

            Liked by 1 person

          2. I am not yet, YOUR Good Friend, I only make “Friends” with Human Being’s who deign to share communion with me; i exist in a fucking cave; like I am in solitary Confinement, I only find friends on this net-work; some of them 10,000 miles away from me…..I hope YOU liked this communication!

            Liked by 1 person

  3. So prevalent! Stealing in general is a violation and a show of greed carelessness, and desperation. I believe depending on God and his charity is a resolve for all of our human needs. And this discipline will keep us in God’s love and protection. ❀️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Absolutely! And as bad as it is for the thief to get away with the goods or item, that stolen items will cause him or her more sorrows than they have caused the victim. Karma is real. Believe it. We have to put prayer on them. I have witnessed violators whom after prayer was put on them, they actually denied being themselves by name. I would hope this was their beginning of change. Hugs and Christ’s blessings make and keep you strong in Him who is coming to repay!πŸ’•

        Liked by 2 people

    1. I am with YOU on that Brother, I fight that GREED MACHINE each and every day I wake up^ to find myself still Alive!What a world this could be, if we just quit lying and stealing from each other and instead just shared out those Blessings……

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You are right and many are waking up slowly. God has us in a mystical test before his return. Who will score high within God’s Will? Stealing from one another is a major seed for chaos. Chris is a contributor to death and destruction.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. I wish! There is no peace in chaos and no happiness! All that have robbed have suited themselves up for defeat because they will fall and they will be robbed of their robbing (s) with penalties. Man is one of God’s most privileged beings, too intelligent of a being to fall into Satan’s schemes. The battle with Satan is snarling us all.
            We have to understand that his time and reign with is short. When God returns many will be holding a bag of stolen goods and many will be sitting on mounds of stolen wealth. I know when God comes we are going to see and witness things that we have never seen. Especially when mountains and trees are indifferent and evil begs trees and mountains to hide them.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Maybe the reason we fall for Satan’s schemes is because we think we’re that intelligent. Either way, I think it’s his grand design that some, like you, come to the knowledge of the truth, so that you can warn others.

            Liked by 2 people

        1. You are New to me; Who is Chris?I think what contributes to death and chao’s is plain simple stupidity, People have been made STUPID by the fucking machines designed to harvest “Consumer’s” With-out “Consumer’s” The Evil Machine dies……..Glad to meet with YOU!

          Liked by 2 people

          1. I get pretty angry myself. But I pray about my anger and ask God to help me. The more I pray, the more I realize how big this battle is. This is a big spiritual battle, good against evil. Man’s most powerful weapon is prayer! Men is a ploy for Satan, allowed (because of disobedience). Christ is our redeemer. Christ’s truth will overcome all darkness including man’s fails and ignorance. Let’s face it, the blood of man is and has been (since the fall in disobedience), a continual rot. Christ’s blood replaces the rotted blood of sin, sickness and death through disobedience, but we have to want it. We ask for forgiveness and renewal through prayer. We have to repent, change our weak ways of living and live for God, not for the dying things in this passing world.

            Liked by 2 people

  4. I wish he had concentrated on only stealing hearts maybe it would not have resulted in a mob,just some guys stuff and everybody is back to normal….. Poor Uche,it all started well but the end is rather tragic…….. I could point out some hilarious points….. Gottfried, this is good I must confess

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Uche fvcked up. Real niggas work their asses off not steal. However, I can bet my balls his β€œmarket value” has increased in the nursing school πŸ’€

    Liked by 2 people

  6. In every neighborhood a signage with β€œDon’t steal in your own neighborhood” should be boldly placed. πŸ˜…

    A little civility in that neighborhood though. People lose their lives to jungle justice for less.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Another urban masterpiece! :-)

    All the way through i was sure Uche was going to turn out to be you! ;-)

    Now…. Mebbe not?

    (“The stubborn one in college – yeah Greed”: Genius, Man, sheer Gee-knee-us!)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Lols!!!Yep! I totally agree. If there is one thing I learnt from this piece, it’s that. You can steal elsewhere but not in your neighborhood! Because my people do say that “he who lives in a glass house shouldn’t throw stones”..
    Again, a prophet is never respected in his hometown, but what do I know….

    Liked by 4 people

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