Banter

Gottfried

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So I asked my readers/fans/friends to pay tribute to me. Their opinions range from the mundane to the downright ridiculous. Here are the most profound paragraphs that made the cut. Enjoy!

Gottfried is the type of man to knock a passenger in a moving bus and run away after.

Mr. Easy life. He doesn’t like stress at all. Dad was sure he was so lazy, he wouldn’t be able to make it to high school. There were mornings when everyone would be hustling and bustling to get to school, but Ragwo had shut down. His system will remain on hibernate and he’d sleep for at least three days. It was his own way of factory reset though, to be able to continue his journey on mad Earth.

Witty. Funny. Sarcastic as hell. Kind. Honest. Says it as it is. Always open to learning. Loving. A shoulder to lean on when you need it.

Gottfried is like Channel 4; full of independent programs of minority interest. He doesn’t find favor in the eyes of all, but by Christ, he’s splashed like hell. Thriving in the face of conflict and being at peace in the midst of controversy.

Gottfried is a talented, focused, smart, free-thinker. He’s also a bully, likes mild trouble and women codedly. He’sΒ not as open-minded as he’d like to think. He is an arse!

Gottfried’s kind is rare – you know I still ponder on whoever taunts people just so they could be free with him, that was really a great approach to getting into my thick skin. Your sense of humor is one of a kind and that alone is worthy of my time.

I remember I heard of an incident from school, where a message was sent to your mum that you were sick. She hurried down, only to see you in the football field shouting at the top of your voice… “PASS THE BALL!!! PASS THE BALL!” She came closer, then called your name. Legend has it that the look on your face that day has never been seen again!

Dude is brutal in words and calm in actions. Whenever he compliments you, enjoy the nice words while it lasts because you don’t know what the next minute holds. However, deep down in his left auricle, there’s a soft spot that makes you forget how annoying he can be.

Of course, you might not agree with everything. Also if yours didn’t make the cut, feel free to write yours in the comments.

If you still can’t see them, I deleted itπŸ’€

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

172 comments

  1. I’ve only read few of your posts, but in all these are attributes that didn’t miss out in any: You’re funny, very much so. You’re brilliant with writing, it shows how smart you are.
    It seems you always make effort to make people laugh, and I hope you laugh a lot yourself.
    I bet you watch lots of hollywood movies, it’s okay, so do I.

    Liked by 1 person

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      3. Yes, it makes sense. But from what I’ve read so far, your stories have such a distinct personality to them that can only be tied to you, so your readers are left reading imprints of you. And it’s interesting to peek at the person behind all the stories. But let every eye negotiate for itself and all that.

        Liked by 2 people

  13. Gottfried is a people’s person. He has such a way of getting around those walls and making an impression, and that’s not something anyone can learn. He’s also a superbly talented writer! He’s pretty annoying, but it’s all part of the package, I guess.

    Liked by 3 people

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  18. The man man!!! You’re family and we’ve been betrothed from the womb (chai).
    Your writings are relatable and fun; and I’m glad we get to look forward to them every week. Keep doing what you do. You β€˜Gott’ this ✨

    Liked by 2 people

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  19. I never really liked you when I first met you. Courtesy demands I say Hello, so I did. I developed likeness for you and Oh, I love the jibes cos I give it too.
    You are a badass writer and I love the fact that you’re unconventional in a good way. Being the son of a Clergy, one would think you gonna write what the parents want to read but you got a mind of your own and that says a lot.
    Thanks for being Gottfried, in a world where we’ve lost our authenticity. You’re a breath of fresh air.

    Liked by 2 people

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  20. Never knew you to be a writer so knowing this side about you sums up everything. I can now see that the words and vibes you use in ‘shaking tables’ is derived from the section of your writing skills, ability to do constructive writing resulted in the ability to throw constructive word punches that got others laughing at the individual you just murdered lolz. I know you also to be so many more but time won’t permit.

    Liked by 1 person

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  21. Never knew you to be a writer so knowing this side about you sums up everything. I can now see that the words and vibes you use in ‘shaking tables’ is derived from the section of your writing skills, ability to do constructive writing resulted in the ability to throw constructive word punches that got laughing at the individual you just murdered. Know you also to be so many more but time won’t permit

    Liked by 2 people

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  22. The first time i had contact with you was in secondary school when you and your friend were pulling someone’s hair since then i use to maintain myself. To be candid you are a sweet writer. I hope the lady you will propose to take you serious as you could be sarcastic with your words πŸ˜ƒ.

    Liked by 2 people

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  23. I don’t know much to write about you, so here is the little.
    Remember that day you got a harsh scolding for “Winging my way…”? I was drawn to you from your humility. You showed me to not shy from responsibility as an individual and as a leader.
    You are good-humoured and a wonderful writer.
    I loved when you correct me too…

    Liked by 2 people

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  24. Well Brother, you caught my attention on this site, I am the King of Readers, I read everything, even the fine print, I can pick out a mis-spelt word in a thousand page book, you might find my posts interesting or not, as the case may be, the whole reason I bother to write is to make some new friends,engage in dialog, or discourse as the case may be. I am a Big Fan of Louis H. Lapham’s essay’s………..

    Liked by 1 person

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  26. At first it’s like….. Who is this stand-offish guy? πŸ™„πŸ˜….. Then it’s why is he so intrusive and bothersome? πŸ™„πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ½β€β™€οΈ… Then grudgingly… He can be quite funny πŸ˜’πŸ˜„… Is that really how he is or is it just a short lucky spell for him? …. Then woah! His mind is brilliant! πŸ’₯…. And finally, you become convinced that Gottfried is a rich, full package of funniness, depth of mind, undiluted sincerity, variety, soft heartedness (no matter the packaging) and adorableness πŸ˜πŸŒΉπŸ€—

    Cheers to evolving perceptions of ọmọ brother Moh πŸ˜πŸ˜„πŸ˜‚πŸ₯‚

    Liked by 4 people

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  27. Hmmmmm, Ebuka πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ………
    Your sense of humor is out of this world
    God!!…..You’re sooooo mean! Your words can pierce a soul. So sharp!……sharper than bladeπŸ™„
    I actually used to avoid you, back then in school β€˜cos I couldn’t deal with all that meanness 😒
    I saw you as a bully ( I felt you bully with words and those your mean looks)
    But then, In all of this, I feel you wouldn’t hurt a fly and I also think that you’re an amazing person still …

    Liked by 3 people

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  30. Annoying and sarcastic to a fault, you have to continuously refresh your sarcasm browser to keep up. And he magnetizes you so much that you hate him as much as you love him.
    He’s also a friend that is there for you, as long as it suits him.

    Liked by 2 people

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    2. Would say I’ve known u more from ur written piece than personally knowing you… I’d infer from that that u r open, ve a great sense of humor, say things as they are, n of course, a good Nigerian friend…lol πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 3 people

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  33. According to his height,his future sounds the same…tall and large… Very optimistic, a visionary, a savage lord,very transparent and does not really know how to encourage..He is scary too but a listener…He just can’t say something nice about you to the end “You’re beautiful but your ear is like ceiling fan”,that’s what I mean…Although he has a lot of his bad side,Gottfried doesn’t do to please and he is a friend to rely on

    Liked by 2 people

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  34. This is a serious one not trying to be funny. Gottfried puts a little jump into my own writing. He’s so ‘present’ that I feel him before I even see that he’s been at my blog. I like people like that unless the perceived vibe is a downer. Not so with G. All good vibes. Well… mostly. :)

    Liked by 1 person

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  35. Sarcastic as hell, brutal with words, calm in actions does it for me. You’re really a hard nut to crack. I don’t understand you, makes it difficult to know which angle to approach you from. #RagwoπŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

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      1. Gottfried’s humor is contagious. It’s so contagious in fact that a cottage industry has popped up that will inoculate you against his jokes for only a month’s salary. Well worth it!
        I always enjoy Gottfried’s humor; it really tickles me. But only when he can free his arms from the straitjacket.

        Liked by 1 person

  42. He wouldn’t run away, yall know he is too lazy, he would look at the guy after he turns back and make a saddistic joke about why he knocked him😒🀣

    Liked by 2 people

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  46. Top of the shelf laziness, I don’t think he ever attended any 7am lecture all through college.
    A terrible politician, he lost more elections than George Washington.

    Liked by 2 people

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  47. Top of the shelf laziness, I don’t think he ever attended any 7am lecture all through college. A very terrible politician, lost more elections than George Washington, only that in his case, he still never won any till this day.

    Liked by 3 people

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  51. Lol@Whenever he compliments you, enjoy the nice words while it lasts because you don’t know what the next minute holds…
    His sense of humour is indeed commendable. Keep it up bro

    Liked by 2 people

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  55. Witty. Funny. Sarcastic as hell. That sums it up!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Every single time you put up a joke I’m left in shock on how your mind works.. too good for an arse like youπŸƒπŸƒπŸƒ
    Long live Gottfried!!

    Liked by 2 people

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    2. Ok… for my tribute. Ebuka is someone that finds humour in every situation. Sometimes I’m like se bobo yi wa alright sha.. but he’s always good company.
      Make I stop before en head go explode.πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply

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