Rob-in-hood

~ Gottfried

If you’re into mind-boggling tales, you’re sure gonna love this one. I want to tell you the most nerve-wracking, compelling story ever written. Strap-on and join me on this journey of the most wanted man in the history of humanity, his name, Uche.

Like all excellent thieves, he started small. Stealing all the hearts of the ladies on the street, Uche was a natural. Did it help that there was a nursing school down the road? Maybe, but they still required a lot of wooing nonetheless.

So with a hearty laugh and an infectious smile, he worked his magic. A winning formula I must confess. Champion of the people, it was difficult not to like the man. Helped people out when their generators or cars developed faults in the estate, played ball with the kids, he was like a modern-day Gandhi, without the meditation.

So how did we get here? You know the sister of Contentment, no not Pleasure, the stubborn one in college, yeah Greed, that’s the one, Greed came into the picture. Uche lived in the boys quarters and maybe just maybe, when he removed the mask of cheerfulness before he slept at night, his discontent came out to play.

The estate had everything, from a gateman who sold groundnuts in old newspapers, to a full-blown “Tailors shop”. In the day, the estate was abuzz with activity. We’d sneak off every now and then to beg for freshly roasted groundouts, looking back, we just might have been the reason Akpan never broke even, but that’s a story for another day.

Uche, somewhere in his mid-twenties was amongst the retinue of tailors Aunty Ada kept locked up in the shop to slave all day. At least that’s what it looked like to me. Perhaps if someone paid attention to Uche when he spoke, hearing the ambition in his voice, what happens next wouldn’t have been much of a surprise.

After refusing to observe my siesta, and committing rather play soccer all day, I retire to my bed. My head had scarcely touched the pillow when I heard a cry!

“Everybody, come out oh! Come and see oh!”

“Thief oh! Thief oh!”

So many questions. Apparently, he was trying to roll the vehicle causally out of the gate, when the enemy of his soul, a certain man named Anayo spotted him and intercepted what would have been the greatest heist in all of Lord Emmanuel’s history.

He is greeted with a few slaps as the neighbors all join the party. I dunno whose idea it was, but in a flash, he was in his birthday suit, bound with ropes, hand, and foot. As the contents of the vehicle were unpacked, the crowd let out a collective sigh. At this point, I’m wondering, was he going to steal the vehicle too? Or is it a syndicate, surely this wasn’t a one-man plan?

The mob is content with their capture and they decide that the best way to go was to lead Uche out in a walk of shame, out of the estate, to the highway. Special guests in this gathering were the ladies from the nursing school. As he walked past, to the jeers and taunts, I couldn’t help but notice that his third leg was paying homage to the spectacle.

He’s handed over to the police, the mob retires. All in a day’s work. An early lesson on being a thief?

Don’t steal in your own neighborhood.

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

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204 thoughts on “Rob-in-hood”

  5. Β “The public turned out to be amazingly tolerant or, if you wish, indifferent … There had never been any need of this charade to have taken place. It had proven a monstrous waste of years of my life.” Should have stuck to being famous for music

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    1. This was a very thought out piece of art, at least I though it was, and I am a thinker, and a Reader, I had to go to WAR with Medium, just to let me post my thoughts on New Authors……I am honest to my bones, I do not disparage any human Being, I just tell them :”Write More” do not get discouraged, have a Webster’s Dictionary Handy, think about those words you choose to use and then send them out for me to Read!

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        1. Is that what I deserve, a one-word comment? I read every word, and I encourage writers, and of a matter of course, discourse; at least Lwbut engages in it with me…..From 10,000 miles away, as for you, you become as NO-Thing in my little book of Love and Sorrows…..

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          2. Every day I wake up^ and find myself gasping for that FREE Air, that is a LOVELY Day, When I have to throw another log sacrifice into my fire, that is a Great Day. 10/29/1945 Today is my Birth-Day. I need to CHILL? I throw old, unread books into my Fire-Place, need I say more?

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          4. I am not yet, YOUR Good Friend, I only make “Friends” with Human Being’s who deign to share communion with me; i exist in a fucking cave; like I am in solitary Confinement, I only find friends on this net-work; some of them 10,000 miles away from me…..I hope YOU liked this communication!

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  6. Lots and lots of comments, some liked by people other than myself, I have this Giant Bag of Pot here/now, I have many bottles of Vodka, I am as drunk as a skunk, so to speak, this is my World; I have this wonderful stove putting out Heat to keep me warm, I spent two weeks of my life to rebuild this old stove I had to drill like a thousand holes, The Welders did a perfect Job, and did not charge me .10 cents for that! So what the fuck is Magic? How does it work? When I needed wood for my Fire-Place there it was; in two days I had a Years worth of wood, I just dreamed. And it all just happened I do not know if I Prayed, i just had Faith; Faith that this Mother of Earth Loved me, when I remembered to Thank Her for Her many Gift’s to me; like that Spring Water flowing into my home, what a Blessing! It sings to me I play my drums to thank it…..

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      1. But, does thinking that someone deserves the punishment or pain make us any better, I often wonder. It is like ‘an eye for an eye.I might not be doing the deed directly. But, I am happy someone else did.’

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          1. Karma gets you alright. I strongly beleive in it. But, I guess we should not ponder on someone’s bad deed and wanting/waiting for karma to giveback. We should let it be. Whether someone deserves it or not, shouldn’t be our concern. Well, that is my view.

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