How To Fail Spectacularly

I have learned to accept failure as a beautiful thing. For you to fail, it means you’re at least trying to earn the right to be called a failure. Think about those that haven’t even tried. They’ve never felt the adrenaline rush right before their plans fall like a pack of cards. If you’re not excited at the prospects of failing, you’re not doing it right.

Failure is an orphan. It’s much easier for people to warm up to you when the going is good, but once there’s a semblance of toughness, they vanish. People like to think of those people as gold diggers. I like to think of it as common sense prevailing. But ask yourself this, as you’re broke like this, do you even like yourself? Can you blame them? Well yeah, but still.


Failure is universal. Everybody fails. As a parent, even if you get your money up, there will be that one kid that refuses to get with the program. They constantly bring shame to the family name. Discard them? No! Celebrate them? Yes! They’re doing something right! All your sheep might just not be white, there is always one black one. Diversity

So what happens when you set out to fail? My momma always said that “something worth doing is worth doing well”. Now if you apply these words to every aspect of your life(including failure), you’ll have a good thing going. You go into a relationship knowing fully well that shit is definitely going to hit the fan. You know it, she knows it too, so you both set out to make it spectacular. Might even earn you coins on YouTube.


You ever been in an examination and from the compulsory question, you can already picture yourself redoing the course? Don’t panic! Make the best of the situation. It is also a perfect time to write a detailed letter(on your answer sheet) to the lecturer about how much impact they have had on your life. Of course, the letter isn’t complete if you don’t initial it with “So help me God, Amen”.

It gets better with time. The more times you fail, the easier it gets to stomach it. And you know what they say about Experience? it’s up there as the worst teacher. I sure do not recommend it. People will fail you and you have absolutely no right to be offended. If you didn’t appoint them, then they can’t disappoint you. Keep the bar on the ground.

Being a disgrace. Growing up, it used to be my biggest fear. Now, not so much. Sometimes I look at people my age and think to myself, my parents got a really really good deal. I’m an absolute bargain. It’s also curious that kids from broken homes with deadbeat dads, more often than not, turn out fine. There’s something inspiring about watching your drunken dad piss on himself. It breeds success.

Life is fleeting and so are emotions. Certain setbacks can rock you to your very core. Grown men have been reduced to cry babies and independent women have resorted to strategic positioning to get by. Takes my mind to Thomas Alva Edison and the lightbulb. The cheek of this guy to say that failing 999 times was light work.

So here’s an idea. Live life on a free fall(a picturesque version of Niagara falls). Expect failure, but don’t be a pessimist. And when next you’re feeling low about a failed experiment…

Try again, fail again, fail better.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.


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