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The Accident

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It all started with a big bang. But no one asks, who set it off? In my mind’s eye, I picture the big man set off a hand grenade and throw it into space and bang! galaxies! The milky way! Serious question marks over who named it milky way, there’s quite literally no milk. But that’s not the point, the question is, was it an accident?

Growing up, I used to be a bit of a hothead. There was this girl in my class known for running her mouth. She would run you down at the slightest provocation and it was gradually becoming a reputation of hers. On this particular day, she came for me, and my ears. Talking about “Why do Gottfried’s ears look like mug handles?” Now I wasn’t going to react, but another guy went, “yeah, I see it too” Now I was pissed.

I tell her really calmly, “stop saying that, leave me alone”. But she wouldn’t listen and went ahead to say it one more time. This time the entire class hears and is thrown into fits of laughter. So I react sharply, you know, to shut her mouth. As my palm connects with her left cheek, I immediately realized why my dad warned me to never hit anyone. My excuse? It was an accident! Her cheek connected with my palm! Premeditated? maybe, but an accident regardless. Would I do it again? Absolutely!

Driving. Driving, in general, is an extreme sport. For some cities, you need to be on the edge or you won’t get anywhere. You also have to master the dark art of keeping your emotions in check. A fine gentleman learned the hard way as I watched him, in a hurry, park very carefully inside a gutter. You should see the look on his face as he crawled out of the passenger’s side. The look on my face? Delighted!

Unplanned kids. I wonder if twins realize that one of them was, in fact, an accident. Here’s a pro tip to know if you’re an accident. If your first birthday wasn’t hugely celebrated, I’ve got news for you. Also, if management was going through a financial crisis and you arrived to add to their troubles, you might wanna sit this one out.

Sometimes the root cause of your ‘accident’ isn’t even you. It could be any/or a combination of poor timing, sheer ill-luck, and good old foolishness. You almost have a sixth sense about what’s coming, but you ignore.

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And when it does happen, when shit really hits the fan, the events of the day start replaying before you, this time, in slow-mo. You can almost taste the foolishness on your lips. If it could get worse, it definitely will!

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Loving. Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love. It’s usually the ones who swear that their heart is made out of reinforced concrete that falls helplessly in love. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. 

You see where I’m going with this? Yes? Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

And so my dear friend, as you waltz through this divide of eternity called life, know this for certain. There is no such thing as an accident.

It is fate unnamed.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

174 comments

  7. Nice to find more inspired madness from my favorite comic. I actually knew this was here but have been preoccupied elsewhere. Today… finally in the right headspace to deal with you! :) One small note. I’d say *providence* instead of *fate.* The one enhances God’s freedom, the other well, it’s just the other…

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  11. Hey “cuz”😀. Very carefully park his car in the gutter. I like that. But the twin incident , never thought of it like but yeah you’re probably right one of them was an accident most likely the bad twin 😀.

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  12. Honestly I don’t know where to start from in condemning you that you are good, you are trying.. It has both the funny and annoying part in life. Just keep it up. Cheers man like Gottfried.

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  15. I’ve always known you had great ears 😜😜😜but what I didn’t know is the fact that I could use them like handles to drink coffee🙊…lmao….She is not really a “run mouth”… She’s a careful observer🙌😒😂😂😂😂😂

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  17. 🤣nothing is as irritating in class than when someone says some dumb stuff randomly and some moron agrees then the class assume it’s funny and starts laughing … imbeciles 😑

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  28. This is a nice piece bro. Love how you worked around important issues using funny instances …the high light for me was (you can almost taste the foolishness in your mouth)😂😂

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  29. Lol! 😂😂😂 that was a huge bunch of fun… it’s ok to land the palm on her cheeks, i would do that too, no i wont mention gottfried inspired me ✨😉😜 well said at the end, there are no accidents 😂 it’s fate untamed 😉👌

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  57. I don’t remember my first birthday, all those many decades ago, so it must not have been widely celebrated. I’ve always been pretty sure I was an accient anyway, so no big deal, right? I suspect that most of life is an accident … we just muddle on through anyway. Boom! Pow! Crash!

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  71. So I think I’ll just go and feel sorry for myself. It takes less effort for the same results. Now, let’s see what could I feel bad about…. Darn it. Things have been going so well, but I’m sure all that will change soon. Right? At least then I’ll know I was right to feel miserable and that will make me happy. Do I want to be right, or happy? I’ll stop here. I’m getting mixed up. Why did you start this, Gottfried?

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