Sell Yourself

~ Gottfried

How much are you worth? People usually think they’re smart when they reply with, “I’m priceless”. You do realize what that means right? You have no real quantifiable value and as such you think that’s a clever response? Think again.

And no, your bank balance is not a true reflection of your worth. Repeat this line to yourself several times before you fall asleep. It will help you sleep better. That being said, I think the real question you should ask is; Who am I? Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

Auditioning for a role. I always wanted to be a school functionary. Not to bring about any greater good but to expand my bullying scope. The year before, the prefects were elected into office but the school wasn’t too happy with the election violence that ensued and the rumors of missing ballot boxes. So when it was our turn, they decided it would be by appointment. Others were preparing for what they were going to say when they faced the panel, but not me. Cojones

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A Kenyan woman sold her husband for $17. And that’s not even the outrageous part. Here’s where it gets better, she sold the husband to the lady he was cheating on her with. My problem? How did she arrive at the $17 valuation? Did she consult the stock market? Did she account for inflation? How did the transaction take place? Was it across the counter? Did she bag the goods? Did the husband’s family get a cut? Questions.

Finding your passion. Most people I know are only passionate about one thing, EATING. Finding your passion puts you in pole position to sell yourself in the best possible way. Now all you need to do is to find a place where your services are required, Miss I Love Leftovers. Once you’ve found that thing you’re passionate about, best believe you can do it. You see, the thing is, whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re absolutely right. Got it?

Job Interviews. Death will be a great relief. No more interviews. When you go in for a job interview, I think its a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. Just kidding, but for real though, you need to do your homework. Sometimes it’s not that you don’t want the job enough. Maybe you’re still suffering from the PTSD you went through as a child when you were asked to go get your slippers and your parents vanished before you returned from getting them.

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Interviewers should cut you some slack. Things are already hard enough as it is. How can you be asking me if I can work under pressure? What is pressure? I feel that the real downer is hearing the words ‘we will get back to you’. So you take an extra step to make sure they do…

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Selling yourself short. If you stick to what you know; you sell yourself short. Ironically, this goes against the argument about honing your skills and becoming an expert. But what skills really? Sleeping all day is not a skill. It’s a disorder that needs to be addressed urgently. Ultimately, the goal is to keep away from people that try to belittle your ambition. You know, people like your parents and siblings who don’t believe in your magic tricks.

A toast. Now you have earmarked one fish out of the millions of fish floating in the sea. You just have one small problem. How do you convince that fish to follow you? Now I know the old school brothers will tell you to practice your lines and buy a new cologne. But that’s a waste of resources. All you gotta do is make the fish think it needs you. Simple. Rather than toss worms at the fish, become a worm. A tasty tasty worm.

Finding yourself. It’s not really how it works. You’re not a ten-dollar bill forgotten in a raincoat. You’re also not lost. Your true self is right there, barred by social conditioning and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid bringing you up to this very point. But know this, that wealth should never be your goal in life. Your words are eloquent but they are mere words. True wealth is of the heart, not of the purse. And of course, if you take my advice…

you’ll die poor, but very happy.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

328 thoughts on “Sell Yourself”

      1. Glad you clarified “becoming the worm.” Some folks might start searching for food, drinks, creams or what-have-you to use that will transform them to worms and say Gottfried suggested it. Maybe the Nigerians know better though.😳

        Liked by 1 person

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      1. Hilarious 😂.
        Sometimes you wish this interview tables turn.
        That said, -“I can work under pressure” is a permissible untruth.
        You’re the best man!

        Liked by 4 people

        Reply

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