The Health Benefits Of Farting

~ Gottfried

I find it really convenient that people will rather pretend it doesn’t happen than discuss a phenomenon that persists with us every day. Dread it, run from it, we all fart! When you eat, your body produces gas as part of breaking down and processing food. Fact! But people, take note, there’s a difference between a ‘fart’ and a ‘mess’. Only victims can differentiate.

And honestly, all that gas needs to be released. This is so it doesn’t build up in your digestive system. In truth, when you hold a fart in, they travel up your spine, into your brain and that’s where all your shitty ideas come from. Agenda!

Farts can fight strokes, heart attacks, and dementia. Looking at the most important of the lot, if you keep farting, you’re less likely to suffer deterioration in memory, thinking, behavior and the ability to perform everyday activities. For every fart, you remember what chores you were assigned! Mom’s glad!

When you feel a fart coming. Not every fart is a fart. Greg learned this the hard way. We (actually they), they were having a fart contest in the PREP class and everyone was trying to outdo the other.

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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart. It all makes sense now really, every single time I fart in the exam hall, the answers start flowing. I mean those around me might be thrown off, but that’s collateral damage.

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong. I discovered that pregnant women are also given a free pass when it comes to farting. Basically to avoid bloating, burping and flatulence. So the next time a pregnant woman farts around you, you’re supposed to say “bless you” and give them another hug.

Farts help you find your soulmate, or not. They say you never know a person’s true nature until you spend an ungodly amount of time with them. It’s a 50:50 situation half the time and it really sets the tone for how long the relationship will last.

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Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore. If they’re the ONE for you, they will be willing to suffer in silence. It is a level of nasty I hope never to attain. It’s how you end up with airheads for kids.

Farting in public. If you fart loudly in public, don’t be ashamed. Just yell “Jet Power“ and start walking faster. It works like a charm. By so doing, the fragrance travels a longer distance and a lot more people can enjoy it.

On the whole, you should never be ashamed of farting. The caveat? As long as you’re not already dead inside. Farting is like the song from Frozen. Whether you’re at school, work, at the gym, heck even church. As soon as you feel it coming…

Let it go ♫

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

282 thoughts on “The Health Benefits Of Farting”

  3. A pretty good subject.. yes we all do and yes women u do as well, it cracks me how some women say i don’t fart or being polite for women pass wind..but i all so believe some guys are just fucking disgusting the way they do it is not a good thing have a bit of moral about your self.. i remember last year i was in a lift and so were two young women, and this smell occurred one of a lot power believe me, i hear this behind 1 say thats disgusting and this all might laugh followed from the other one the silent one are the killers… and yes we all do fart.. well written very funny with a good sense of humour.
    well done .

    Liked by 4 people

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    1. Haha women fart a lot. I’m inclined to believe that lady farts are the actual killers because they hold on to it for so long.

      I also think people shouldn’t be ashamed of farting and should be willing to own up to it.

      “Is this your fart?”

      “Yes it most definitely is”

      “When last did you see a doctor?”

      😂😂😂

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  5. I don’t mind farting per sé. What I don’t like is when the farter makes a huge scene and purposefully farts as loud as possible. It’s amazing how much effort some farters put into farting. I prefer the quiet farts, and I learned early on that it’s pretty easy to control one’s anal muscles to keep the fart quiet. I have an in-law who can let out a fart on every step for up to 13 steps. I can’t go to the Zoo with him anymore because either he’s proud of that ability or he doesn’t realize what he’s doing, but when 50 people around you stop and look (in amazement?), I just don’t want to be with him in those circumstances.

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  10. So funny, great sense of humor. I had a woman client who did it in my car, while we were waking, in the showrooms while we were working on her house details, for her it was always the right time to do it. I must say it annoyed me. 🙃

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