A Dying Wish

~ Gottfried

Death is something we all have in common, but few of us like to think about it or discuss it openly. The thing about death is, unlike mishaps and accidents, it doesn’t miss. It will happen, maybe even sooner than you think. I’m not afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. With that in mind, you really should start making preparations so that your kids don’t ruin the funeral.

What do you feel when you’re on the verge of dying? Peace, fear, anguish? I know I’m going out with a smile. When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi so that people will visit me more often, who knows, some might remember to bring flowers. Heck, feel free to have a picnic or throw a small party on my grave. There’s no disrespect involved, between us, we both know I’m not in there anymore.

You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. For his dying wish, Chris called Jerry to deliver an urgent message. He had a special request from his old pal. Chris asked Jerry to make sure that he is cremated, put it in an envelope, and sent it to the Internal Revenue Service. Jerry is bemused. “Why? he asks”. “Well Jerry, they’ve so taxed and taxed me, they might as well tax my remains”.

A long overdue family reunion. A story of a man with his wife and kids not on speaking terms with each other. For his dying wish, he requested that they all had a family retreat to honor his death. He left clues in the different events he mapped out to remind them of all the fun experiences they had growing up. It worked a treat. They actually started talking to each other as opposed to using sign language.

Personally, I’d opt for something a bit less ordinary. The retreat will be replaced with a yacht cruise and my eldest will be charged with the responsibility of pouring my ashes into the ocean. For the twist, the captain will be instructed to shut down the engine in the middle of the sea and create panic. You know, just to see which one of them openly curses me.

Renewed hostilities. Mark and Dave weren’t on speaking terms with each other over an agelong squabble. They decided to make up because Mark was in a bad spot, about to go under the knife with a 50:50 chance of survival. After a long conversation and a few tears, they made up. Just as they were about to wheel Mark into the theatre, he turns to Dave and goes, “On the off chance I don’t die, we’re still quarreling!”

Near-death. I can already picture it. Lying there on my death bed, admonishing my household before I set sail. Everyone is dressed in sackcloth per my requirements. Also, if your head isn’t shaven, there will be orders to not let you in. I look to where my youngest is standing and go, “You clearly aren’t doing enough crying for my liking”. It’s a wail fest. They’re crying according to the tonic solfa I contracted a composer to write.

The letter. Of course, I’ll leave them a letter to be read two weeks after I flee. To my oldest, you’ve always been very silly growing up, but since I’m dying I might as well say a few nice words to you. “Get some help man, seriously”. You lot should battle each other for my properties. May the best kid win. To my loving wife who endured me all these years. If I were to come back to this world again…

I’ll marry a chiropractor instead.

© Gottfried. All rights reserved

534 thoughts on “A Dying Wish”

  4. Earlier in the lockdown, scared of dying…man I was so scared till I was no more. Now, what makes me scared of dying is nothing fulfilling my purpose for the life I was given and not being at peace with one who gave me that life.

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      1. For me, I’m so concerned about it.
        Cause I thought it like this, the moment I seem to serve no purpose. It’s more like being dead because even in the simplest of things we do, there is a purpose being served.

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          1. Liberation, yeah. Remember I mentioned, I was scared till I was no more. How?
            After, being scared to my marrow. I thought of what I’d lose dying. There seemed to be none except for the pained that I would have lived a life without serving my full purpose.

            That changed my perspective about my life and my death. I only live in the fear of not doing what is right, which has some way to remind me of why I’m really alive.

            Liked by 2 people

          2. It’s a welcome development to have a purpose. It’s also great to know that everything you do have was given to you. We just live in the illusion that we’re in charge.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: A Dying Wish – Verity & Saga by Shining Jewel

  7. “I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”- hilarious as usual😄😄
    Thoroughly loved this read. A good start for a fresh daybreak.😊

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      2. For some reason I randomly envisaged an entire routine directly and entirely from Cliff Richard’s “Wired for Sound” and now I’m killing myself laughing cos it’d be the best funeral ever.

        Providing tiny Walkmans and headphones for people to put on and join in the joyous song about tall speakers and small speakers…

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  8. Dying isn’t a subject from which we shy away in this house but that’s from years of experience working with those nearing end of life and it always been an open topic of conversation mixed together with a sinister sense of humour that is instilled forever.
    If I drop dead tomorrow my daughter has strict instructions to wait for any outpouring of messages via social media and such (Facebook for example – “We will miss you / RIP sleep with the angels) and log in using my password so she can “like” all the shout outs and update my status “I’m properly dead LOL”

    Funeral itself the kids have promised to be the most awkward cringe-worthy collection of inappropriate readings, music, really dodgy floral tributes and my pre-recorded voice with pleas from the beyond asking for help getting the fuck out of this box which is cut short to allow “Best Day Ever” by Spongebob Squarepants.

    I am not nor have I ever been one for standard grief by normal means so I would be thoroughly pissed off if my husband and kids made my funeral a token generic load of shit.

    To do me justice, people either need to be left howling with laughter or so utterly horrified they need therapy for months.

    On a more serious note, from many years of experience working with people nearing end of life, I can honestly say the experience is always worse for those of us left behind.
    The people who are at their end of life tend to be chilled, at peace and ready for it when they have had time to process and prepare. Most of us struggle to have conversations like that with loved ones which is never easy but something I always encourage people to do. It’s so important and if you can just listen without interruption no matter how much what they say hurts and upsets you, it goes a hell of a long way to helping the person be at peace and feel ready to go and it also helps you to cope better when they’re gone.

    Hugely humbling and privileged experience to sit with someone in their last weeks, days, hours and moments varying from deeply religious, spiritual, none of the above but always enlightening and something I’m eternally grateful they allow me to share with them.

    Whilst I’m not religious and can’t say for sure what my beliefs, thoughts and feelings are, I do have a very personal and genuine belief in some form of spiritual afterlife and separate consciousness.
    What makes me think that, why and the small print s is irrelevant for the most part but it’s probably a combination of all the different things having shared the experience with many people of various ages, backgrounds and beliefs.

    I can’t tell you how or why but I do know when we leave here it’s the start of another journey.

    So hope my son belts out the worst rendition of any song known to man. If he does a “Oh Holy Night” style song for me, my soul will be at peace. Crying with laughter just heard the full version again it’s brilliant.

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    1. This is so so beautiful. I feel blessed just reading it. I hope my visitors read this comment and it blesses their heart.

      Btw the voice recording bit is the best thing I’ve ever heard. Forever etched in the memories of all who attend the funeral. 😂😂😂

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      1. I think I just got the full dose opf bad songs from 4 weddings and a funeral right here. PRICELESS! I can just FEEL your soul’s silent laughter going into peace. I thought the mountain was difficult 3 particular times. Nope. Not hitting pause just now and enduring it lmao front your comments? THAT was endurance. Thank for the endorphins. Still chuckling in the laughter aftershocks. 🙂

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        1. I can’t thank you enough for your comments, and for posting that “cassette.” I’d say you made my day, though it’s already tomorrow… SO, you made TWO days.

          As well, I respect your work. I did a stint in Hospice Care for a short time as an Architect to get a better sense of how to design a facility for those there at the end of life. I came to… “The architecture must happen on and/or at the ceiling. That’s what they see the most. I love that it just slipped all the ego out of the magazine cover aspect of architecture and made it ARCHITECTURE again for me. Very meaningful to embrace their perspective by living it in powerful witness. I witnessed true courage this 6 months of “research.”

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          4. Thanks! “Words on marble.” Love it.

            🙂 My EnO insurance literally went THROUGH the bottom! Savings! Lol

            Doctors can bury their mistakes. Architects can simply advise their clients to plant vines.

            Liked by 3 people

  9. LOVE you opening up to a T.S. Eliot theft of Woody Allen! That rocks! “I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” Nice!

    May all memories be blessings, as, Death is the mother of memory, future fathering dreams from beyond… all, when t’s the rockin’ best, confluence to the the perpetual present that is now.

    Then, there’’s grief. Just experience each time fully, as each of grieve differently… nd each of us grieves differently… each time.

    R.i.P. …. And as well, a robust post on a touchy topic, Rockin’ to see that you embrace those places in your posts.

    Liked by 5 people

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    1. The quote really did it for me 😁

      It’s interesting that it’s a really touchy subject considering it’s something that will happen to everybody.

      Hopefully when death stares us in the face, we don’t blink

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      1. I haven’t… 3 times.

        Elizabeth Kubersky-Ross said it well. What did she say? She said lots. Don’t really know what to put here.

        I don’t remember. I was busy not not dying 3 times, but living.

        You are correct that it’s a really touchy subject… that most don’t’ want to touch. “OH, don’t wanna get many of that death shit on me.” Seriously? There’s no silver platter anyone’s gonna give anybody. Do the work… LIVE. Live fully. I expect to lose readers for this comment. I did’t die when I was supposed to. Why? Defiance. Cacaroacha dafuqin defiance. 19 degrees F and day-dressed in shorts and a t-shirt. 19 effin degrees. Winds up to 50-60 mph At over 14k feet up there at night, alone. Oh, what? Was I stupid? NO, I had lead the hike up to 14,363 feet above sea level that day, and ended up being an enabler to de-stress 3 hikers by … I took the 2 cases of water on my back while one of them creatively figured out how to stuff my fluffy snow coat in their pack… my fluffy zero degree snow coat .Then, it happened. No coat, no water, and I SLIPPED off the cornice into the scree field. That was MY mistake. And, I’m happy to say I paid for it…though, not with my life.

        Man! What’s it? Don’t mix my peas with my… Dafuqin JEEZUS! Seriously?!! This life on a silver platter thing has gotten me going. Enough. Period.

        It is really interesting that death is a really touchy subject considering it’s something that will happen to everyone. There are a lot of oak trees dormant in the seeds of that statement you made, whole oak trees.

        “It’s interesting that it’s a really touchy subject considering it’s something that will happen to everybody.”

        And still, you can’t unfollow or unlike death on Instagram, etc. Yet, I guess others have settings i don’t where they can do so.

        It doesn’t take almost dying to truly live, though I gather it helps. Ignorance is not bliss. If it was, many more people would be happy.

        What’s this denial/avoidance stuff? No wonder my work doesn’t take off. I would do better to avoid gimmicks that candy-coat, though… I found life more valuable than death, and I write from there. Not to worry. When I’m dead, you won’t have to even ignore it anymore.

        :). Unfortunately, I think I just got started going down a lifelong path. Bless me with no bluster, and sidestep me from the truth. Because, both come to the same avail. I’ll be curious how my voice emerges from the snake skin I just shed tomorrow.

        Welp, not tomorrow, yet, so I guess we’ll simply have to wait and see,

        Liked by 2 people

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        1. Cats die a whole nine times, three times pales in comparison.

          Thankfully you made it out alive!

          The Instagram bit is absolutely ridiculous 🤣😂😂

          Cheers to many more tomorrows with the full understanding that life can be snuffed out at any moment.

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        2. “Kubersky”? Dafuq autocorrect. From now on you are Authcorrect making me write things I didn’t Nintendo.

          So, a priest and a pastor and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit what he’ll have. “Me? Nothing. I don’t drink. I’m only here because of autocorrect.”

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