How to Take Advantage

~ Gottfried

Of Kids. When they’re that little, their short-term memory is basically a sieve, making them the perfect targets. You can absolutely swipe their biscuits right from under their noses with total, shameless impunity. By the time they finish crying, they’ll have completely forgotten why they were even upset in the first place. Appreciative Amnesia. 

Of Friends. Look, buying a friend’s prized possessions at 70% off isn’t predatory; it’s a localized economic rescue package. Besides, if you don’t buy, some total stranger will. At least this way, they can visit their former belongings on weekends while you enjoy the fruits of financial responsibility. Everybody wins. 

Of the Elderly. Taking advantage of an older person is just generational karma coming full. You are providing the rare luxury of someone pretending to care about a story you’ve heard forty times. Honestly, if you look at the hourly rate for companionship these days, you’re basically doing them a favor. Grateful heart. 

Of your Manager. Look, if your manager decides to fast-track your career just because they think you’re bonding over shared spreadsheets, who are you to ruin their little delusion? Especially if your social circle is strictly at capacity anyway, and professional loyalty lasts exactly until a competitor offers a 20% bump. Capitalism. 

Of your Lover. Yes, your original reason for being angry was entirely valid, but now that I’ve deployed a deep, tactical hug, what exactly was it again? So your brain decides to completely reboot during a cuddle. Why prolong a perfectly good argument when a strategic embrace can instantly delete the evidence? Tactics. 

Of Yourself. If you weren’t so thoroughly dedicated to self-sabotage, we could have at least blamed your misfortune on the economy. Instead, you must now resort to psychological warfare and trick yourself into becoming someone tolerable today. Exploit your own low expectations, manipulate your laziness into a tactical map, and outsmart your own bad habits. 

If you can’t successfully con yourself into greatness, who else are you going to swindle?

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

19 thoughts on “How to Take Advantage”

  1. Everything in this post is true and makes better sense when combined by the wisdom of your humour. It really challenges me to look life in very different ways. Thanks for that and great job with the post 🙂

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  3. Of kids: Kids may forget why they were crying, but they’ll somehow remember that you are “the biscuit thief” for the next seven years. Their memory runs on pure spite and selective recall.

    Of Friends: Nothing says “friendship” like buying their Hisense TV for the price of a lataffa cologne and then hearing, “Man… I really miss that TV,” every single time they visit. Congratulations, you’ve acquired both electronics and lifelong guilt.

    Of Your Lover: The tactical hug is undefeated… right up until your partner says, “Nice try. We’re hugging and finishing this conversation.” That’s when you discover affection and accountability can, in fact, coexist.

    The greatest con of all isn’t fooling children, friends, your manager, or even yourself; it’s saying, “I’ll just watch one more episode,” at 11 p.m. as though you’ve somehow negotiated a private agreement with tomorrow morning. Future You arrives sleep deprived, mildly resentful, and forced to honour a contract past you signed without reading the terms and conditions.

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  4. Oops this comment belongs here not in your last post

    SMiLes Dear Mr Gottfried
    Indeed This is the Decade
    Of the 3 Letters Words CON

    And

    LIE
    ‘OrWeLLian’
    AS WeLL Hehe
    Farther away from
    Any Natural GOD than

    ever
    before

    at least within

    as Machine Mind
    Comes to Rule From
    The Inside Out of those
    Who Have Constructed A
    World of “The Revenge of the Nerds”

    Slave to Their Systemizing Worlds all to
    Make the Holy SHaLLoW Buck i come from
    WHere they are born and Choose Victory of Humanity

    over the

    LIE And CON
    that reducing
    Minds continue to Spread
    SHaLLoW Souls with Little Hallow

    Amen
    Brother
    to a Human Day

    And to Be Clear i am
    Half AI Like all the Rest hehe
    Yet i Choose Both Sides of the
    Hemisphere’s of My Mind to Do

    As after all is said and done as even
    Science Shows With its Narrow Mind
    Our Word Thinking Minds as Illustrated Well
    by Researcher Iain McGilchrist Serve only around
    .5 Percent of our Being Human Oh Yes the Soul is

    Blue Whale
    Deep Just
    Waiting to Surface
    far beyond Words mY FRiEnD…

    Meanwhile at ‘Terrestrial Church’ they ‘Worship
    The Word’ How Ironically Idol Far Away From

    Natural

    God

    Within
    Blue Whale Deep

    Just Waiting to Return again..:)

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  5. How to take care of Animals: Feed them and they’ll never betray you. How to take advantage of plants: Water them regularly and crossbreed.

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  8. of the elderly… how do I tell my dad I have heard the story he is about to tell over a decade. Even if I say so, he must complete the story regardless 🤣

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