Chronic Lateness

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late. Better late than ugly. Late replies don’t exist. It’s called “not interested”. To people who reply late, if I wanted a reply from you after 2 days, I’d have sent a pigeon because ravens would get there early. 

Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there 20 minutes late because I use African time. I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in 5 minutes, I have no idea why you do. I told you I’ll be there in five minutes…Stop calling me every half an hour!

I may always be late, but at least I’m consistent. Stay an extra hour at the office and no one bats an eyelid. Show up one hour late to the office and suddenly everyone is losing their minds. I always arrive late in all honesty, but I make up for it by leaving really early. 

Lateness is expensive. Only poor people keep to time. Half the day I wonder if it’s too late for coffee. The other half I wonder if it’s too early for margarita. The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out because you know their secrets. 

I hate being late, but I’m so good at it. I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning. Putting bread in the toaster means you’re prepared for top outcomes; completely burnt toast or half done. It’s the same issue with setting up a microwave.  

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to. I’m actually really sorry that I’m late, traffic was exactly how it has been every day for the past 5 years and I was not expecting that. My friend keeps talking about how her dad is late so I asked her to get him a stop watch. 

Better late than nothing. 

© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

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