The Hoax That Is Valentine

My Sweet Valentine. I write to you with a heart full of love and a belly full of soda. If I had only one smile in me, I’d give it to you. Where there is great love, there are always wishes because, Love, is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves- alone, we find it with another. My words to you are as genuine as they are true.

A lot has happened since we last spoke. I grew taller, and you became rounder. Growth nonetheless! And as time passed, I came to the realization that there are a few things I haven’t said and need to get off my chest. You see, there comes a time in a man’s life where he thinks himself into a headache. We have arrived!

I’m never going to admit that I’ve gone broke. Even if I have! As is the case, that’s unacceptable! Not following the lofty standards I set for myself. Worse still, especially on the eve of Valentine. Therefore, I will take a more honorable route and do the right thing!


Setting the tone right…


Then dropping the bombshell!…


Sticking to your guns…


Pagan Holiday. Let’s skip this celebration. Despite the fact that society tries to pretend that it’s a day of love, history teaches us that two men were murdered in cold blood that day. I know you get squeamish when you see blood so I’d advise you don’t open the gift I’m intending to send.

A flimsy excuse? I understand that relationships are built around love and a support system. That being said, I must admit that you really have some unresolved daddy issues. Only your daddy can love you unconditionally. What do you mean I should apologize for calling you out on your bullshit? Why do you suddenly become Niagara falls every time you’re caught being wrong? Get with the program or vamoose!

But it wasn’t always like this. The last time we celebrated this pagan festival, you did the unexpected and scarred me for life. It all began from a harmless conversation…


It’s the D-day and I’m really excited to show you what I got you…


Now it’s your turn. Apparently, you didn’t get the memo or worse? Surely my ears were deceiving me? You took my breath away, literally!


So I did what any sane man in my shoes would have done. Invoke some old-fashioned juju!


Were you trying to make it an even number? Plus the one you bought didn’t even fit! Am I a joke to you?

All is fair in love and war. I have decided to climb the high moral ground and offer you forgiveness. But know this, there will be no peace for the wicked! No, I’m not saying that you’re wicked! It’s just a quote you could learn from, you know? Like they always say, we learn every day. Don’t we?

You always spoke about how you could do better without me. You took my dry humor for granted and that’s rich seeing as you don’t have any funny bone yourself. But more importantly, I’ve been meaning to ask you this burning question, since you think you’re so slick…

Valentine is coming?

Valentine is coming?

Valentine is coming?

Where’s your boyfriend?

Β© Gottfried. All rights reserved.

244 thoughts on “The Hoax That Is Valentine

          1. Several months for me. Here in Canada, the land of the free (last I heard), they begin stocking shelves in late October early November with Xmas paraphernalia… then there is a Santa Claus Parade in mid-Nov… so I figure if they can warm up that early, I cool off much later than most. Both of our small fiber optic trees are still out, even now!

            The only difference is, they warm up early for the money. I cool off late because I love it.

            Liked by 1 person

  1. Well love should never be about gifts or what can give to someone on one day…

    See I’m gonna ride you on that gift stuff lol πŸ˜„πŸ˜˜βœŒοΈ … I do like chocolate – that’s a woman thing – plus it calms the beast once a month πŸ˜„πŸ˜„βœŒοΈ

    But yeah you should always appreciate and love the other you with – always

    People get caught up in life and forget the reason you with in first place is to enjoy life together or try to… but you have to have the right one for that.

    And gifts aren’t always bought… sometimes is care and the way that care is presented.

    Valentines, like Christmas has become commercialized – don’t get me started on that one lol

    But simple love caring and appreciation can go a long way… use your imaginations …

    See if you wow us with your integrity and sincerity… that’s kind of a gift you can not buy in a store.

    But again… totally depends on which girl you chase after – what floats your boat? Lol

    I don’t like reasons for gifts – I like to be caught off guard just because – then I know you think of me βœŒοΈπŸ˜„

    Ahhh you have me telling too many secrets lol

    Liked by 1 person

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