No new Friends

~ Gottfried

Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend, you literally signed up for this. A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.

Happiness is insulting your best friend for no reason. You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend, I’ll train you. Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless. Good friends pee together, but best friends puke together. Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it but only you gets the warm fuzzy feeling it brings.

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people. Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it’s good just knowing they’re there. Not really great for punching though. There’s nothing better than a friend unless it’s a friend with chocolate.

One good reason to maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. True friendship is when your friends are always there by your side when you need them, and when you don’t.

Friendship is being there when someone is feeling low and not being afraid to kick them. Love is blind, friendship closes its eyes. Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another; ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one”

Anyone can make you smile. Many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes. Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up after I have finished laughing. Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard. If your friends don’t openly laugh at you then are they really your friends? We’ll be friends till we’re old and senile.

And then we can be new friends

©️ Gottfried. All rights reserved

174 thoughts on “No new Friends”

  3. I am so happy you posted this at 2. 00 am. I’m awake early. The consequence of long naps trying to avoid my crochet failures. If anyone knows how to keep the edges straight, I will be so happy. It’s one of those things, like a cake that Mrs Perfect bakes for the cake sale. She dishes out recipes freely, but when you try to bake this cake, you feel sure she’s not sharing a hidden trick. Love the condom bit, and the octopus bit and most of all the egg bit.
    True story. My sister calls me egg. “Come on, Egg,” she says out shopping which I do with her to be nice to her and keep her from shrieking because we hate that we need food and therefore shops. Her remedy for loud shops is to shriek loudly. It does work, but I wouldn’t try it in any first world country. Africa is kind to slightly cracked eggs. I am sure people that hear her actually believe that my name is Egg. I protest, but she just laughs. I am the eldest and she’s the youngest. You’d think a bit of respect would not be an outrageous ask, but it seems she will carve my grave stone with “Egg. Affectionately delusional.”
    I love and live for Mondays especially after a week of soul depleting news. Love and Light.

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    1. Haha, I’m glad you found something to read when you got up. I actually always schedule my posts for that time so that’s good news.

      As for being called Egg, I think you can put a positive spin to it. Being treated like an 🥚 must be nice 😂

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